Tag: Sisters

The Special Joys of Sisterhood Weekends

There never seemed enough time at family gatherings for the three of us to have the “chick-chats” we had once dearly loved.

Growing up, I had the remarkable experience of being the eldest of eight children. The four that followed me in sequence were all brothers, and for nearly half of my childhood, I was the lone female child in a house full of testosterone.

Home for the holidays in Buffalo, where the dream of “sisterhood weekends” was born.

You can imagine then, why I was so elated when I learned that child number six was a girl, as was child number seven. The age gap between me and them proved to be a bonus, as we bypassed the usual sibling rivalries. When I started dating boys, for example, they were still playing with dolls and stuffed animals.

Despite the age difference, with ten of us living in a small house, we three sisters shared a bedroom for many years. I loved to read the girls stories, play the latest hits on the transistor radio, teach them new dance steps, and watch them watch me while I put on makeup. I like to think that I was a role model of sorts, or at least, that they got a sense of what life might be like when they reached my ripe old age.

Florida in winter was a favorite destination.

I left home at 18 for college and never returned (everyone in the family was kind of relieved; they had more elbow room, not to mention more time in the only bathroom). And although I missed everyone in the family, I especially missed my two little sisters. It was an ache that would stay with me long after I was married and had a family of my own.

The strong bonds that form among sisters are legendary, of course. The stuff of great songs, movies, and literature—everything from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, to “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. Like others, our shared history led us three to form relationships that are complex, empathetic, and sometimes emotionally charged. But I always knew that when things went awry, my sisters would always be the first ones there for me.

Sharing street food in Central Park, NYC.

So one day, back in the early 1990s, when all three of us were back home for the holidays, we started talking about getting together more frequently, outside of the larger family gatherings. By that time we had husbands, and jobs, and children, and lived in three different cities. There never seemed enough time at family gatherings for the three of us to have the “chick-chats” we had once dearly loved. We agreed that we would try to carve out a long weekend, at least once a year, for just the three of us to be together again.

In the Gulf of Mexico listening to a marine biologist.

And so over the years, we’ve traveled to many different places—New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Miami, Hilton Head, and Savannah, to name a few. Florida was often a destination in the winter months, and places like Toronto and Niagara-on-the-Lake, when it was warm.

We went on yoga retreats and luxuriated in spas. We played instruments in a music video (“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”) at Disneyworld’s Pleasure Island, pretending to be an all-girl rock band. At the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas, we went up the Mayan Temple to the “Leap of Faith,” a 60-foot water slide with a terrifying drop through a shark-infested lagoon. We took a less terrifying boat ride in the Gulf of Mexico with a marine biologist, who taught us what life was really like beneath the waves.

Sometimes, when our children were infants, they got to come along.

Although the destinations were interesting and the adventures were fun, it was the late-night talks that made these experiences memorable. Although we three are very different people having led very diverse lives, when we come together we are like children again, sharing things we aren’t willing to share with anyone else. That level of trust only comes after years of openness, honesty, and emotional support.  

Thirty-five years later we still get together, this year at the Mohonk Nature Preserve in New York.

All three of us keep a box full of photos that memorialize our many sisterhood weekends, because they have meant so much to us. Some have said that love among sisters is the “greatest love of all” because of its emotional depth. So ladies, if you have a sister, hold her close and spend as much time with her as you can. These rare moments of togetherness are priceless, and worth whatever effort it takes to make them happen.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates, grows tomatoes, and enjoys a good online Zumba routine at home on winter evenings. Virgin Snow is her first novel, and she is currently working on Book Two in the trilogy.

When Nuns Ruled the Roost

If you went to Catholic school in the ‘60s or ‘70s, the word “nun” undoubtedly conjures up strong emotions.

Mention the word “nun”[1] to someone who grew up in the Catholic school system, particularly before Vatican II changed everything, and you’re likely to get a strong, visceral reaction ranging from fear and loathing, to worshipful admiration. Boys in particular seem to have ended up on the wrong side of that equation, and stories abound of physical and psychological abuse at the hands of nuns. Girls have their own stories, about nuns cutting their hair if their bangs were too long, or sending them home if their skirts were too short. There is even a word for an irrational fear of nuns—sphenisciphobia—which is, interestingly, the same word for an irrational fear of penguins.

Many nuns came to the classroom having no experience with children, particularly boys. Photo by Museums Victoria on Unsplash

As the product of 13 years of Catholic school education, I have my own stories to tell. A brother locked in the basement of a convent and forgotten for hours. Another whacked in the side of the head with a wooden pointer. And despite my reputation as a “teacher’s pet,” I once felt the slap of a ruler on my own six-year-old palms. My parents, like many other devout Catholics, were conflicted about how to react to this treatment of their children. Many seemed as afraid of the nuns as we were.

Which leads me to wonder, why did these women, devoted to God and works of charity, behave this way? Why did the nuns of yesteryear become the stuff of legends and Hollywood horror films?

Nuns play an important role in my novel-in-progress. My young heroine is coerced into becoming a nun at a time when the life of Catholic “women religious” was in a state of upheaval. So I decided to do more research on these fascinating and mysterious women, and by stepping back, I gained an interesting perspective:

Nuns lived a life circumscribed
by discipline and prayer.
Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash
  • First, let’s remember that corporal punishment was an acceptable form of child-rearing in those days. Many kids in our West Side neighborhood were knocked around by parents, coaches, and scout leaders, and no one thought much of it.
  • Second, some women were forced to become nuns, by parents or by circumstances, and some, no doubt, grew disillusioned and embittered over time. Most of the abuse I remember came from older nuns.
  • Third, many nuns came to the classroom having no experience with children, particularly boys. They entered the convent at a young age, and lived a life of strict discipline and prayer surrounded by other nuns. Few had the education and training teachers have today.
  • Finally, the classroom was the only place these teaching nuns had any real authority. Until the Second Vatican Council completed its work in 1965, men made all the major decisions in the Catholic Church, including rules and regulations governing these women. Some resentment may have spilled over into their treatment of young male students.[2]  

You can also draw your own conclusions about how grouchy one might become without any meaningful contact with the opposite sex. None of this justifies abusive behavior, of course, but it does explain why some nuns were lovely, inspirational human beings, and others were simply mean.

Nuns today no longer have the reputation they once did, in part because their numbers have significantly dwindled (from a high of 180,000 in 1965 to just over 44,000 today), in part because the sisterhood changed dramatically after Vatican II, and in part because religious orders are now attracting millennials who are different from their predecessors. Nuns now have college degrees and religious career choices no longer limited to teaching and nursing. Today they can become, among other things, dieticians, historic building preservation experts, affordable housing experts, and hospital ethics board members. And following in the footsteps of nuns who became “radicalized” post Vatican II, they are politically active and often work with immigrant families, support asylum seekers, and participate in peaceful demonstrations.[3]  

Young millennial nuns have many more career choices today. Photo by hp koch on Unsplash

Nuns, it turns out, both then and today, are not all that different from the rest of us. They have the same desire to live a life of purpose and meaning, and the same human foibles. It was a nun who instilled in me a lifelong love of words, literature, and writing, and I am forever grateful for the way she shaped my mind and my destiny.  She also helped me get over the searing memory of that first grade nun who “ruled” my trembling little hands.

Do you have a memorable “nun” story? I would love to hear your comments!

[1] Many people use the words “nun” and “sister” interchangeably, but technically speaking it was the “sisters” who taught in schools. Nuns traditionally live more cloistered lives. I am taking the liberty of using the colloquial “nun” in this blog because it is the more familiar term.

[2] For an interesting take on the impact of Vatican II on women religious, as well as statistics on their numbers then and now, see “IN EXODUS OF NUNS, FEW TURN BACK,” https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1986-03-24-8601210920-story.html

[3] For a fascinating look at the nuns of today see https://www.thelily.com/the-unexpected-life-of-a-millennial-nun/