My “Big Rocks” for the New Year

My New Year’s Resolutions are a way to remind myself that if I don’t make the “big rocks” a priority I’ll never get them done.

I’ll never forget a parable I heard one snowy Christmas Eve at a hotel restaurant in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, a pretty little mountain village in the southern part of Germany. The holiday dinner was hosted by the hotel’s owner, and before we all dove into our appetizer, she asked everyone in the restaurant for a moment of silence so she could tell us a short story.

The pretty town of Garmisch-Partenkirchen where I first heard the parable of the rocks.


You could hear a pin drop as she told us in her beautifully accented English about a professor speaking to a group of students. “Okay,” said the professor, “time for a quiz.” He pulled out a one-gallon mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top with rocks, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel and dumped it in. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

We were all captivated as our hostess read the story.

He then reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started pouring it into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” “No!” the class shouted. Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and said, “What this illustration teaches us is this: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.” (Note: The origin of this parable is not exactly clear but it is most often quoted from Dr. Stephen Covey’s book, First Things First. https://www.appleseeds.org/Big-Rocks_Covey.htm)

Although I first heard this story more than a decade ago, I think about it every time I sit down to write my New Year’s Resolutions. Yes, I am old-school; I do not believe I am perfect “just the way I am.” I still have plenty of room for improvement. So I use my 10 resolutions as a way to remind myself that if I don’t make the “big rocks” a priority, I’ll never get them done, and my year will be filled by necessary but comparatively less-important things, the gravel, sand and water that are part of daily life.

Readers are asking, “When is Book Two coming out?”

Book Two in the Virgin Snow trilogy is my biggest rock for 2025, of course. I had hoped to have the complete manuscript drafted by the end of this year, but I let too much of the “small stuff” eat up my time, so this year I know I need I need to make it “Priority One.”


However, I find I am already asking myself, is the next book more important than spending time with loved ones? Doing volunteer work so I can “give back” to my community? Exercising daily and eating healthy home-cooked meals? Traveling while I still have my mobility? Reconnecting with friends, taking care of my pets? You get the picture. Not only is it important to focus on the big rocks—you have to figure out which big rocks can fit into your job jar, and then how to give each one the time it deserves.

My way of doing this is to keep an engagement calendar that lets me list the priorities for each day. I print out my 10 New Year’s Resolutions (i.e. the “big rocks”) on the first of January, and check it against my calendar from time to time to make sure each resolution is being addressed in due course. As the year comes to a close, I do my final accounting.

Last year I did pretty well—I completed eight of my 10 top priorities for the year. Not every year boasts a similar record of success, of course, but I make it a practice never to beat myself up about the ones I haven’t fulfilled, especially if I’ve made some progress. I just transfer them to the top of the next year’s list. That’s where Book Two will be sitting.

What are the big rocks in your life? A specific project? Time with family? An important cause? More exercise? Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? I would love to hear your comments in the section below. Happy New Year to all my readers!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.

Why “La Famiglia e Tutto” (Family is Everything)

Sicilians have a saying—La Famiglia e Tutto (Family is Everything)—and they live by what they say.

Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to speak to a lively group of people at the Centro Culturale Italiano (Italian Cultural Center) in Buffalo, NY. Ostensibly, folks came to hear me read from and talk about my novel, Virgin Snow, the setting of which is on the largely Sicilian (at the time) West Side of Buffalo in the late 1960s and 1970s.

One benefit of being an author is being able to share with readers such things as one’s motivation for writing and inspiration for particular characters and scenes. While I did indeed offer the audience some behind-the-scenes details, I had a hunch that it would be far more interesting for all of us to hear from folks in this diverse gathering, which ranged in age from 29 to 90, and learn about how and why the book connected with their lives and experiences.

Everyone in the room seemed to enjoy talking about Buffalo back in the day.


To facilitate this wider discussion, I decided to read a short passage from the novel, then let the audience share how the behavior of the characters and the themes explored in the story resonated with them. What followed, to my delight, was a wide-ranging and sometimes emotional discussion about what it was like to grow up in Buffalo at that time, in that neighborhood, and in that cultural environment.

I began by asking the audience how many of them grew up on the West Side, were of Sicilian or Italian heritage, and were raised in the Catholic religion. Nearly everyone raised their hand. So we talked about Saint Joseph’s Day and the bountiful tables of Sicilian foods prepared from scratch, about the changing role of the Catholic Church in family life, and we reminisced about neighborhood swimming pools, family-run grocery stores, and significant historical events of that time, like the riots in Buffalo (as well as across the country), the Vietnam War and the moon landing.

La famiglia

But the discussion seemed to always return to the idea of “family.” Sicilians have a saying—La Famiglia e Tutto (Family is Everything)—and they live by what they say. Everyone I knew on the West Side back then had family living nearby and they gathered frequently, especially on Sundays.

Both the audience and I laughed at the stories being told about Sicilian fathers and uncles giving prospective boyfriends the third degree, and Sicilian aunts trying to outdo each other with their cooking. Many at the event nodded knowingly when hearing about a widowed Sicilian mother who was struggling financially but too proud to go on welfare, and who never failed to put her family above all else.

The West Side circa 1970. Yes, some left because of the weather or economics, but others stayed.


I had also asked at the beginning of the talk, how many in the audience had left Buffalo during the tumultuous period in the late 1970s and early 1980s when the city endured bad weather, economic hardships and high unemployment, and how many had stayed. It turned out to be about half and half. Some of those who had left had only recently returned, in part because Buffalo is once again a vibrant and affordable city. But several noted they had come back home to Buffalo during the city’s darkest of times, just to be close to family again.

The Italian Cultural Center has a number of interesting displays depicting family life among Sicilian immigrants and their descendants.

What I took from these conversations is the sense that career opportunities and warmer weather might have lured some away, but in the end it was la famiglia that brought people back to Buffalo. And not simply family obligations like aging parents or help needed in the family business, but a sense of needing to belong to a close community again.

Few things in life bring more joy than shared holiday traditions, familiar comfort foods, family outings, and the retelling of old stories that never fail to bring laughter, no matter how many times they are told. Those of us who have left our familiar surroundings for a time know what it feels like to lose these things, and how wonderful it is to have them back again.

The cafe at the center offers fresh cappuccino and other Italian delights. It’s worth a visit!

Are you someone who left your hometown, only to return again later? If so, what brought you back? Or are you someone who stayed put, and if so, what kept you there? I would love to hear your stories as well!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.


What is More Precious than a Lifelong Friend?

I was overlooking an essential ingredient in a long and happy life—the love and support of friends.

What a joy to reconnect with friends from elementary school!

Last January 1st, when I realized that I would (if lucky) complete my seventh decade of life this year, I began to contemplate, as many who have reached this ripe old age are wont do, what it has all meant. Considering the arc of one’s own life is not an easy task, so I decided to reflect first on those things that are and have been most important to me, to try to determine if I have developed the right values and led a worthy life.

I have had the great good fortune to have the world’s best husband and two loving sons and a daughter-in-law. I have a large and fun-loving extended family and several doting pets. I was given a number of amazing career opportunities, have traveled the world, and am in relatively good health. At this stage of my life, I am very much in tune with the natural world and enjoy the harmonies of the stars, the seas, and the four seasons. All of these things have been important to me, and have contributed to my longevity. But I realized, as I thought long and hard about it, that I was overlooking an essential ingredient in a long and happy life—the love and support of friends.

My college friends and I found this mountain retreat a far cry from our Buffalo State dormitory!


I have to admit—I haven’t always been the best of friends. There were years when I was so focused on being a good daughter, sister, wife, and mother, on my career, my community, and social obligations, I neglected my friendships. Sure, I’d send a yearly birthday or Christmas card, and catch up via an occasional lunch or dinner. But as I grew older, I learned that there were pivotal events in the lives of my friends that I had completely missed. Thinking about it now makes me very sad.

So, when making my New Year’s Resolutions for 2024, I resolved to make it “The Year of Reconnecting With Old Friends.”

What better place to celebrate a milestone birthday than Italy with a limoncello spritz!


I made a lifelong friend on the first day of kindergarten. We were four years old. As our mothers walked us to school, they said, “You girls hold hands,” and metaphorically speaking, over all these years, we’ve never let go. This year, I asked my first “BFF” as they say today, if she would like to travel to Italy to celebrate our 70th birthdays together. She said yes, and on the day we were making our way through a crushing crowd of thousands at St. Peter’s Square in Rome, we locked arms so we wouldn’t get separated. Oh, how it brought me right back to that fall day, 65 years ago.

Visiting a Monet art exhibit with my artist friend.


Another friend, whom I met as a teenager, once begged her family to let me live with them at a particularly difficult time in my life. They welcomed me in and I never forgot their kindness, or hers. I invited her to come stay with me the week before our mutual birthdays this year, and treated her to all the things I knew she enjoyed in life—art, nature, good food. We sat on my porch and reminisced, and I was pleasantly surprised by the things she remembered that I had forgotten.

Trip to the Big Apple with a friend from the Bronx.


And that, I realized, is the very best thing about reconnecting with old friends. They help fill in the blanks of your personal narrative, your life’s story. Your friends are the people who knew you from the time you were silly, stupid and immature until you grew older and (somewhat) wiser. These are friends who made me laugh until I cried, and at times, cried with me until I laughed. I am fortunate to still have friends from every stage of my life—schoolmates, neighbors, work colleagues, and fellow writers, readers, and travelers. They are the ones who show up to celebrate my successes, and grieve with me my losses. In some ways, they are the people who know me better than I know myself.

Cruising the Danube with one of my favorite traveling buddies.


This year I honored these friendships in every way I could think of, from group lunches to reunion picnics, book club gatherings, mountain retreats, and trips abroad. And in each case my old friends embraced me with open arms, rekindling connections that are more priceless to me than any birthday gift I could possibly imagine.

Nothing like reconnecting with a friend who knows how to bake a cake like this!


Yesterday, my yoga instructor asked us to think about, “Who you really are. Get rid of the traditional labels and think about the real you. And if you are not now the real you, think of who you want the real you to be.”

I’ve thought about that a lot since she said it. I know now who I want to be, and I hope I’ve earned the right to be called “a true friend.” If I indeed merit that sobriquet, then I know I have lived a worthy life.

Do you have a lifelong friend or friends? What have they meant to you and how have they shaped your life? Have you made it a priority to reconnect with them? I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.

The Never-Ending Life of the Veggie Garden

I prefer not to think of the end of the summer growing season as the “death” of our vegetable garden, but as a transition into something new and different.

The last tenacious tomatoes clinging to the vine. All photos © Moxie Gardiner.

Not long ago, I read a book called “A Farm Dies Once a Year” by Arlo Crawford. It’s a wonderful story about farming and family in south central Pennsylvania, not all that far from where I live now. I enjoyed the book and while I appreciate the cleverness of the title, I prefer not to think of the end of the summer growing season as the “death” of our vegetable garden, but as a transition into something new and different.

Colorful hot peppers will spice up our fall pots of chili.

Yes, the summer residents are leaving—the sun-kissed tomatoes, the sizzling hot peppers, the voluptuous eggplant and the cool cucumbers. All but the last of the berries are gone, the peaches have swum in their last cobbler and the apples have been squirreled away, awaiting their turn to be tucked under a lattice crust. The last of the overgrown zucchini will be made into a sweet bread and the yellow squash into a savory casserole. Many of these plants have already begun to go to seed, sprinkling the ground with next year’s volunteers.

Beautiful autumn-hued sunflowers brighten the fall garden.

October though, is the time when fall vegetables begin to shine. Pumpkin vines are covering every last bit of space between the raised beds, sending last bursts of energy to what looks like giant basketballs scattered across the grass. The cabbages are finally happy, after limping along during a hot, dry summer, and the beets and carrots and other root vegetables are substantial enough now to grace a soup or stew on a blustery autumn day. The sunflowers are still hanging in there, but I noticed the last of the bees are leaving and the birds are hovering, waiting to feast on sunflower seeds.

The Swiss chard really enjoys the cooler weather.

We will soon be digging up the sweet potatoes to store for the winter, joining the leeks, potatoes, onions, garlic and turnips in our cool basement bins. This was a spectacular year for butternut squash in our little corner of the world, and I can hardly wait to make my favorite spicy butternut-pumpkin soup in the months ahead.

It is also time to scatter seeds for vegetables that are hardy enough to winter over in Zone 7a. Several types of lettuce (which will survive the winter in a cold frame), mustard greens, and collards have already come up, covering the soil with an emerald blanket. The Swiss chard, spinach and celery are all mature enough now to survive even a heavy frost.

The mustard greens are seedlings now, but should be ready for Thanksgiving dinner.

In January, we will peruse the seed catalogues and dust off our seed trays, grow lights and bags of potting soil, and begin planting the new arrivals. We’ll nurture them along in the basement until spring, when the strongest of them can withstand the variations in temperature and begin providing us with nutritious produce as early as April.    

True, one could choose to think of the vegetable garden as dying every year, but I prefer not to think of life—any life—that way. It is simply life in a different form. Whether it is a rotting tree that feeds the plants and insects that surround it with nutrients, or the acorns that fall from the mighty oaks to feed the squirrels and grow tiny saplings—life is a never-ending cycle. Old life begets new life, and new life starts the wheel turning again. So goes the life of a garden, and so go you and I.

Do you have a vegetable garden? If so, has it taught you any philosophical lessons about the cycle of life, like it has me? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.  

The lettuce seedlings have just begun to sprout, and will grace our table throughout the winter months.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.

The Joys and Anxieties of “Stresstember”

I recently learned that September is a month of great trepidation for some people.

Have you ever stopped to consider how freighted with importance the month of September is?

Yes, it is the month of the Autumnal Equinox, the pivot point from summer to fall. Those of us in tune with nature begin to see changes in the world around us—the turning of the first leaves, mass migrations of birds and butterflies, the quieting of cicadas and katydids at night, fewer snakes.

But it is also the month when some of the most important transitions in our lives occur. A time of new beginnings that fill some with excitement, and others with dread. Some are so stressed out by the changes this month brings that psychology experts have dubbed it “Stresstember.”

Fresh new uniforms on the first day of school.

As a child, I looked forward to September with great anticipation. I loved the week or so that presaged the return to class—the buying of notebooks, pencils, and erasers—and, from time to time, a new school uniform and shoes. This was followed by the careful cutting of brown shopping bags to cover our new books, and new haircuts to keep us neat and tidy as well. But most of all, I looked forward to the return to school itself, because, I must admit, I loved it.

The biggest academic transitions, of course, did bring some trepidation. The first day of kindergarten was frightening because, back in the day, you said goodbye to Mom for the first time. But you relaxed when you made your first school friends, sang little songs together, and learned to read. School was fun!

In high school there was more than just reading, and writing and ‘rithmatic.

Then there was the first day of high school, a bewildering place where books were kept in lockers instead of your desk, and you moved from classroom to classroom and teacher to teacher instead of staying in one place. But once this new routine was mastered, your mind was introduced to a whole array of new topics—literature, chemistry, trigonometry, languages—and you were introduced to cool new friends.

The first day of college was also a tectonic shift in your young life—you moved in with strangers and had to make your own important decisions on classes and schedules and majors. Not only did you have to move from classroom to classroom, but from building to building. Making your way from one part of campus to another in time for class, was a life-lesson in logistics, organization, mapping and time management. Learning how to balance study time with party time was essential to developing the work-life balance that would serve us well (or not) for the rest of our lives.

Who could forget their first day on a college campus?

I recently learned, though, that September is a month of great anxiety for some people. They face the prospect of a new school, new teachers, new classmates, mountains of homework, and challenging new courses—with genuine fear, not excitement. Rather than see school as an opportunity to learn and make lifelong friends, they see school as a place where they fear they may experience failure, bullying, or ostracism.

Being a young student during the pandemic was an experience few of us who are long past school age can even imagine. We are only beginning to understand the psychological damage it did to these children, as well as how it may have affected their social skills. Some are still having problems in school—academically, socially, and psychologically.

Some parents also approach September anxiously, having sent their children off to school—from the first day of kindergarten to the first day of college—with more worries than pride. Knowing that your child is fearful about going back to school, feeling they won’t fit in or do well academically, presents a serious dilemma for parents, especially those that work full time. Some parents choose homeschooling to address these issues, which presents its own set of challenges each fall.

And then of course, there is the reminder, for those of us who lived through it, of the events of September 11, 2001. Like the Kennedy assassination, and for older generations, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington have left an indelible scar on our psyches. On every beautiful, sunny morning in September, I cannot help but remember how similarly that fateful day began. September 11th, for me, will always be a day of remembrance.

But I cannot let it cloud the other joys of September. As a gardener now, September is our big harvest month, when the last ripe tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, okra, celery and onions fill our larder. Pumpkins are growing fat on the vine, apples are bending the boughs on the trees, and soon we’ll be digging up sweet potatoes to store for the winter.  

I am determined to enjoy the month of September with all its transitions, and all the memories it brings with it. I hope you will too.

Do you look forward to the month of September? Please share with us why, or why not, in the comments, below.

Fingy Conners, Wild Bill Donovan, and the “Irish” First Ward

On my most recent trip back to Buffalo, I decided to take a walking tour through a different part of the city.

I often write about the West Side of Buffalo and the neighborhood where I spent my formative years. It was a tight-knit, working class part of the city where my Sicilian grandmother’s relatives could speak their native language and feel at home. But on my most recent trip back to Buffalo, I decided to take a walking tour through a different part of the city, where the ancestors of my Irish grandfather most likely worked on the docks, in the factories, or shoveled grain into silos along the shores of Lake Erie.

Grain silos still form the backdrop of Buffalo’s Old First Ward. Photos © Moxie Gardiner.

People unfamiliar with the city’s history are surprised to learn that Buffalo was once the eighth-largest metropolis in the US, and the sixth-largest port, according to Donna, our Explore Buffalo tour guide. Before the 90-minute tour was over, she would explain why the “Old First Ward,” or OFW, as this neighborhood is called, was at one time a commercial hub of global significance and the birthplace of colorful characters who would leave their mark on US history.

Many residents still proudly display their Irish roots.

The first wave of Irish immigrants that transformed this part of Buffalo came to help build the Erie Canal in the early 1800s, and the second wave arrived during and after the great potato famine in Ireland in the 1840s and ‘50s. By 1855, there were some 10,000 Irish immigrants in Buffalo, the majority of them living in slums near the lake and canal. The neighborhood became known as “the Irish First Ward” for a time because of its predominantly Irish population.

The grain elevators, invented here in Buffalo in the 1840s, provided plenty of work for Ireland’s transplanted manual laborers, as did other industries that sprang up along the Erie Canal—at that time an essential conduit from America’s “bread basket” in the Midwest, to the fast-growing cities along the East Coast. Once the St. Lawrence Seaway and the interstate highway system were developed, however, the canal lost its importance, as did the industries that once thrived along Lake Erie’s shores, and the Old First Ward declined.

Some of the neighborhood’s older homes are a stone’s throw from the waterfront.

As I was happy to learn on the tour, though, the neighborhood is making a comeback and now has a reputation as one of the “hippest” places to live in Buffalo. Interestingly, the area still proudly embraces its industrial legacy. Thirteen of the original 33 grain silos still loom over the modest houses (two of the silos are still operating) while repurposed factories dot the neighborhood.

The Barcalo Building, like other old factories, has been repurposed.

One such factory, housed in the Barcalo Building, was known throughout Buffalo as the place where the Barcalounger chair was manufactured. Less well known is the building’s reputation as the birthplace of the coffee break, mint ice cream, the mattress spring, and the fake snow that comes out of a spray can… according to Donna. The building is now home to a contemporary art gallery and luxury apartments.

Back in the day, the OFW was almost as famous for its bars and taverns as it was for its industries. According to an 1893 article in the Buffalo Express, there were 2,300 saloons in Buffalo, including Swannie House, built in the 1880s, which still operates today. Gene McCarthy’s Tavern and Old First Ward Brewing, where refreshments were available at the end of our tour, has been operating here for over 50 years.

The Swannie House has been serving residents of the OFW since the 1880s.

Some of the taverns found in this neighborhood were part of the “saloon boss system,” where waterfront jobs were controlled by bar owners. Native son “Fingy” Conners (legend has it he lost a thumb after a childhood dare) was one such boss, who reportedly gave jobs only to those who rented his rooms and drank his booze. Fingy went on to become a prosperous businessman and one of the wealthiest and most influential men in Buffalo.[1]

Donna the tour guide told us tales of other OFW men who went on to become nationally and even internationally known, including “Wild Bill” Donovan, who headed the Office of Strategic Services (which later became the CIA) during Word War II.[2] Tim Russert, host of NBC’s “Meet the Press” was also from the Old First Ward, as was popular Buffalo mayor Jimmy Griffin, and Michael Shea, developer of Buffalo’s most opulent entertainment venues.  Shea was one of the first men in the US to start a vaudeville house, and his theater in downtown Buffalo is still thriving, hosting sold-out Broadway shows throughout the year.

Kayak launches, pop-up dining, and coffee shops are bringing new money into the old neighborhood.

As my group finished up our walking tour on Hamburg Street, I took note of a new “Waterfront Memories and More” museum that Donna said provides historical artifacts and photos from locals. As it was closed when we got there, I will have to come back on another trip. Who knows? I may get lucky and find a photo of one of my Irish ancestors, shoveling grain into one of the massive silos.

Have you ever lived in, or visited, the Old First Ward of Buffalo? What were your impressions of it, then and now? I would love to read your comments, in the section below.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is her first novel.

[1] For more info on Fingy Conners, see this interesting book trailer by Richard Sullivan on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64aec3GzbHU&t=230s

[2] For more information on Donovan’s Buffalo beginnings, see https://buffaloah.com/h/bohen/don.html

Saving the Life of a Friend

I sang to the bird, told it not to fear the unknown, and that it was OK to let go of life, whenever it was time.

When I saw the small, still body lying on our deck, I feared the worst.

My hummingbird friend at his favorite feeder.
All photos © Moxie Gardiner.

The tiny hummingbird had visited our feeders every day, so I knew him well. I would hear him before I saw him, a loud buzz next to my ear, zzz-zzz, then gone in a flash, until he reappeared at the feeder, poised in mid-air for a quick sip.

Sometimes a second male would appear, and our hummingbird was always ready for battle. Hummingbirds are very territorial, fiercely protective of any food source they can count on, unlike the flowers that might be blooming one day and gone the next. Our hummingbird was not about to let an interloper horn in on a grubstake he believed was his alone.

I will never know what misfortune had befallen him that afternoon. We have a large picture window that had previously led to the demise of a beautiful goldfinch we found lying on our deck with a broken neck, the imprint of its beak still in the window glass. Or maybe the other male hummingbird had tried to eliminate his competition once and for all.

Sadly, I bent to scoop up my little friend with a dustpan, as I had the hapless goldfinch, and to my surprise I noticed the faintest flutter in its chest. The bird was not moving though, and did not react when I stroked its brilliant, ruby-colored chest feathers. I assumed it had a broken neck, and it was only a matter of time before it passed away.

I’ve known people who would have told me at this point, that the decent thing, the humane thing, would be to put the tiny creature out of its misery. But right or wrong, I knew I was not capable of taking its life, so I spoke to it and told it I would make the end of its life as comfortable as possible.

I made a small nest of fresh green leaves and gently laid the bird in the center. I had never been this close to a hummingbird before. I could see the iridescence of its emerald feathers, the ruby color at its throat, its needle-like beak, and the tiny slits where its closed eyes were. I sang to the bird, told it not to fear the unknown, and that it was OK to let go of life, whenever it was time. Words I had spoken before, and hoped they had provided some comfort.

Then it blinked! I was so overjoyed I started to cry. I knew then it was still alive and had just been stunned, probably from hitting the window. I watched him, me barely breathing, as he rolled onto his stomach and sat for a moment, looking at me. “Go,” I said, “and remember me.” A moment later, he launched, heading straight up in the air. Then he pivoted horizontally, and in a flash was gone.  

A moment of pure joy–the hummingbird in flight!

I see him back at the feeder nearly every day, with no signs of the trauma he endured one summer afternoon. No sign that he recognizes me either, or appreciates my concern for his well being. He simply goes on being what he is, one of the world’s most beautiful, fascinating creatures.

Back at the feeder again.

For me, the fact that he lived was enough. How I wish I could have saved every friend that I’ve lost, but I could not. What I have learned though, over my many years of life, is to always be there for your friends, to the very end if possible. Just in case.

I would love for you to share your stories in the comment section below.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is her first novel.

For further information on male hummingbird territoriality visit https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/why-do-hummingbirds-fight-so-much/

The Songs of Summer You Won’t Find on YouTube

Nature now provides the “heavy rotation” for me.

Lying by the pool on the warm cement, transistor radio nearby, listening to that summer’s hottest hits. All photos © Moxie Gardiner.

There are a number of iconic songs from my teenage years that will forever form the soundtrack of summer for me. “Hot Town Summer in the City,” by The Lovin’ Spoonful, “Hello, I Love You,” by The Doors, “In the Summertime,” by Mungo Jerry, and later, “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper and “Margaritaville,” by Jimmy Buffett. Everyone at the pool had their favorites, and in those days you could go to the pay phone hanging on the wall, invest a dime to call the radio station, and ask the DJ to put “your” song into the rotation so you and your friends would be sure to hear it while the warm sun kissed your skin, poolside.

I am no longer urban, nor a kid, and like all things in life, the songs of summer for me have changed. I live in the country now, and while my ear is still attentive to new music, it is not for the type found on YouTube or Spotify. Nature now provides the “heavy rotation” for me.

It starts with the “dawn chorus” just before the sun begins to peek over the mountain.[1] Robins are the first and loudest to sing in the pre-dawn, followed at first light by a host of others—chickadees, sparrows, wood thrushes, cardinals and warblers among them. Off in the distance crows call to each other while a woodpecker drums a steady beat on a hollow tree. When I take my morning walk, I no longer hear the splashes of children in a swimming pool, but the play of water over the rocks in Sleepy Creek and the rustle of leaves in the sycamore trees.

The perfect place to listen to the night symphony.

As lovely as nature’s morning sounds can be, my favorite is its night music, which I have only recently come to understand and appreciate. The evening symphony begins with the melancholy calls of the barred owls, followed closely by the bass notes of the bullfrogs in the pond, and the plinking of the moths against the porch lights.

Oh, the things you will hear on a moonlight walk through woods….
One thing you’ll come to know is the mournful melody of the barred owl. This one was looking in my window!

One of my favorite field trips while working on my Master Naturalist certification, was a moonlight walk through a nature preserve to learn to differentiate the songs of the many singing insects. I used to think that the insect I was listening to at night was the cricket, but soon learned that grasshoppers, katydids, and cicadas all add their voices to the nocturnal serenade, and each species contributes its own unique sound. As if to complete each evening concert, fireflies light up the stage with their flashing strobes.       

As we grow older, our tastes and sensibilities change, as do the sounds that now sit comfortably in our ears. Yes, I still love those iconic songs of the ’60s and ‘70s and enjoy them when I take my occasional walks down memory lane. But now, in my ongoing quest for peace and serenity, I turn to the birds, the bees, and the singing insects to move my soul, instead of my feet.

What songs or sounds do you consider to be the hallmarks of summer? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is her first novel.

[1] If you have never heard the sound of the dawn chorus, check out this video on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePCG8xt158s

The Tragedy and the Beauty of Eastern Europe

A trip through Eastern Europe reminds us of how lucky we Americans really are.

Beautiful Budapest, Hungary at night. All photos copyright Moxie Gardiner.

I have just returned from a river cruise through five countries in Eastern Europe: Hungary, Croatia, Serbia, Bulgaria and Romania. Admittedly, these countries are probably not the destinations of most Americans traveling to Europe. Of those who do choose to sail the beautiful Danube River, most probably head northwest from Budapest to enjoy seeing the castles and vineyards of southern Germany, and the strudels and waltzes of Austria, which are familiar to many people through popular music and culture. Think The Sound of Music movie, and Strauss’ The Blue Danube Waltz. I decided to go in the opposite direction.

Nana hosting us for lunch in her pretty
Croatian home.

I confess that up until recently, I had been guilty of the temptation to see popular places. I’ve traveled extensively through Western Europe, where I am familiar with the languages and the culture of the European Union. EU countries have made it easy to cross borders and most are members of the Eurozone, using a single monetary unit—the euro.

Not so in Eastern Europe, where only one of the five countries I visited (Croatia) is a Eurozone member that uses the euro in its financial transactions. The other four still use the same currency[1] they have been using for well over a century (although most merchants are happy to take your American dollars or euros). Each country we visited has its own language and two (Serbia and Bulgaria) even use a different alphabet (Cyrillic), making it a challenge to read a street sign or a map.

We were quite surprised when the Crown Prince and Princess of Serbia came out to greet us.

I realize now, however, that overlooking these countries in the past was a mistake. First, they have a long and fascinating history. Our traveling group toured several archeological sites, and learned about the various cultures that were thriving along the Danube many thousands of years ago, some predating the building of the pyramids in Egypt. Because of their strategic location, these countries were fought over many times, and became part of several empires–the Roman, Austro-Hungarian, Ottoman, and Russian– all of which which influenced their cultures.

Belogradchik Rocks in Bulgaria, with the Balkan Mountains in the distance.

Second, Europe’s East is as beautiful as any other region I have seen on that continent—topographically diverse, and gifted with both fertile soil and scenic landscapes. From the snow-capped mountains of Romania to the golden sands of Bulgaria’s Black Sea beaches, Eastern Europe has a lot to offer. As our ship glided down the Danube, we passed by modern cities, small picturesque towns, wooded hillsides, and spectacular gorges.

Bucharest, Romania is now a vibrant, modern city.

Third, the capital cities we visited—Budapest, Belgrade, and Bucharest—seem to be thriving. One guide in Bucharest told me unemployment is less than one percent, and they are eager for young Romanians, who have moved away to work in other European countries, to return now that there is so much more opportunity back home.

Everyone we met on our journey was warm and friendly, from the royal family in Serbia to the kindly Croatian woman who hosted lunch for a small group of us in her village home.

Buildings on the streets of Vukovar, Croatia still show remnants of the shelling during the “homeland war.”

Yet for all the positives one can list about this part of Europe, it is impossible to ignore the scars of more than a century of conflict, foreign occupation, and the crippling effects of a communist economic system. In each country we saw memorials to the dead who fought in two horrific world wars, which were followed by Soviet occupation, the dissolution of Yugoslavia, and afterwards the conflict in the Balkans they refer to as the “Homeland Wars.” Crumbling Soviet-era buildings still dot the landscape, although they are largely abandoned and covered with graffiti.

That said, it is all the more important, I believe, to visit these countries, to celebrate their resilience and ability to move forward after such adversity, especially as yet another conflict in neighboring Ukraine threatens the tranquility of the European continent. Traveling reminds me once again how fortunate I have been to have lived at a time, and in a country, where we have been blessed with relative peace and prosperity. A trip through Eastern Europe reminds us of how lucky we Americans really are.

Remains of a town on the banks of the Danube 9,000 years ago at the Lepenski Vir archeological site. For more information on the site visit: https://www.serbia.com/visit-serbia/cultural-attractions/archaeological-sites/lepenski-vir-the-oldest-urban-settlement-in-europe/

Have you ever traveled to any of the countries in Eastern Europe? Or, perhaps you have lived there and can offer your own views on this part of the world. Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices chair yoga. Virgin Snow is her first novel.

[1] For those interested in details, the currency in each of these countries is as follows: Hungary (the forint), Serbia (the dinar), Bulgaria (the lev) and Romania (the lei).

The Magnificent Willows of Western New York

For centuries, poets, writers and philosophers have been inspired by weeping willow trees. So have I.

I love all trees. Horse chestnuts, hackberries, hickories and hornbeams. Oak trees, pine trees, palm trees, even family trees. But my favorite of all the arboreal sentinels, the evocative one that brings back childhood memories of summer picnics, warm breezes, and first kisses under its lovely, curtain-like fronds, is salix babylonica, commonly known as the weeping willow.

For centuries, poets, writers and philosophers have been inspired by willow trees, as have I. [1] William Makepeace Thackeray, a 19th poet and author of Vanity Fair, wrote an ode about its appeal as a trysting place for lovers, entitled “The Willow-Tree.”

Once to the willow-tree
A maid came fearful,
Pale seemed her cheek to be,
Her blue eye tearful;
Soon as she saw the tree,
Her step moved fleeter,
No one was there—ah me!
No one to meet her!

Many a romance has begun in the willow’s hidden bower. All photos © Moxie Gardiner.

But it isn’t love alone that this unusual looking tree evokes. The tiny, cascading leaves are thought to resemble falling tears, and so the tree is sometimes associated with melancholy and sadness, even death. Unsurprisingly, specimens can be found in Buffalo’s Forest Lawn and other cemeteries. There is also the tragic story of some 300 soldiers who died of illness during the War of 1812 in a place not far from Buffalo’s Delaware Park, and buried in shallow graves. A Dr. Daniel Chapin, who lived nearby, is said to have later reburied the men and marked the spot with willow trees.[2]

Willows thrive on the banks of rivers and ponds like this one near the Buffalo History Museum’s Japanese Garden.

Today, weeping willows can be found throughout Buffalo’s beautifully landscaped park system. Intrigued by the mysteries of the weeping willow, I am always on the lookout for one, and was therefore overjoyed to discover two enormous specimens swaying over Hoyt Lake on a recent visit to Delaware Park. I assumed, based on their size, that they had to be hundreds of years old. But after some research I have since learned that weeping willows grow rapidly, and unfortunately, only live for about 65 years.

Which begged the question why, if they are so comparatively short-lived, have I seen so many willow trees throughout the parks, meadows, cemeteries, and along the waterways of Western New York?

This past year, I planted my very own weeping willow by the pond for further inspiration.

It turns out that this part of the state provides the ideal habitat for weeping willows, thanks to its proximity to the Great Lakes and plenty of lake-effect moisture. These trees love damp environments and can consume up to 100 gallons of water a day, so I expect they will be a feature of the Western New York landscape for many centuries to come.

Does the weeping willow have the same emotional impact on you that it has on me? What memories does it conjure—happiness, sadness, or fond memories of secret dalliances under its enchanting boughs? Please share your thoughts in the comments, below!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is her first novel.

[1]  His poem also inspired a chapter in my novel, Virgin Snow.

[2] For more information about this tragic event, see 300 bodies in Delaware Park: The War of 1812 | Features | buffalospree.com