“These are the times that try men’s souls,” said Thomas Paine about the crisis that confronted Americans in 1776. Today we face another crisis that will test us all as Americans, as individuals, and as global citizens. How we react and how we behave over the coming months will define who we are, and how we will be remembered, long after we are gone.
We do not know when, or if, the coronavirus will visit us personally, and if it does, whether or not we will survive it. This sobering thought has me laser-focused on what is truly important in life, and what I should let fall by the wayside.
When it is my time, for what would I like to be remembered? I have taken inspiration from Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who in his novel Love in the Time of Cholera, writes, “The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love.” Love, he goes on to explain is “a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega, an end in itself.”
I decided that I would like to be remembered as someone who loved deeply. Not just someone who felt love, but someone able to express love without reservation. I realize though, that I, like many others, face a challenge. As more and more of us are isolated, stuck at home, unemployed, sick, bored, irritable, confrontational, and running out of resources, how do we find the inner strength to show our love? Especially at a distance?
Do you remember the poem, “Desiderata?” The poem expresses the need to strive for worthy ideals, and the word desiderata means, “things wanted or needed” to achieve that. In order to focus on my new, # 1 priority in life, I decided to compose my own desiderata, my own list of things I want or need to remember to be able to express my love. Perhaps some on my list will resonate with you.
- Love thru Intimacy. Remember to love my spouse, and why I was attracted to him in the first place, especially when so much “togetherness” is getting on everyone’s last nerve. And although there is a good chance that nine months from now there will be a COVID-19 baby boom, I should always remember there is more to intimacy than sex. While we are quarantined, I need to remember that the unexpected loving touch (hugs, kisses, back scratches, picking lint off a sweater) often says more than words. Love notes left on the refrigerator, reminiscences over dinner, dreams of good things yet to come are more important now than ever. Remember to say how much I love the way he strums his mandolin each morning while I have coffee. Remember how important it is to still have fun together.
- Love thru Patience. Remember to love the little ones in my life by exercising infinite patience. Remember that they don’t show their stress and anxiety the way we do at times like this, but the stress is there. Remember to be the fun auntie who likes to play and tell stories. Forgive small transgressions. Listen to them with your full attention. Pause before you speak. Remember to take time to watch the littlest one learn to walk (via video chat) and remember to applaud her efforts loudly.
- Love thru Tenderness. Remember to treat my elders with gentleness. They are especially vulnerable at this time and I should do everything in my power to protect them and keep them safe, even if that means not seeing them as often as I’d like. Remember the elders in my neighborhood too, and shop or do for them what I can. Remember that not all seniors have access to the Internet so be sure to call and let them know I am thinking about them. Remember to offer words of encouragement to help them get through this.
- Love thru Compassion. Remember how fortunate I am to be quarantined in a comfortable house with access to food and the things that I need, while many less fortunate souls have neither. Remember those who have lost their jobs and can’t buy groceries or pay the rent. Remember those who are still working every day, putting their lives on the line to keep us healthy and safe, and to do my part to help them protect themselves. Donate what I can to help those in need, and volunteer to help from home where possible.
- Love thru Kindness. Remember to be kind to my furry family members who are such a source of comfort during difficult times. As happy as my pets are to have me home, remember that they sense my stress and are affected. Remember to play with them, hold them, pet them, and buy them treats. Remember too, all the other living creatures who enjoy my protection, from the birds at the feeders, to the fish in the pond, to the lady bugs hatching inside my house. Remember they all have their place in the great circle of life.
- Love thru Humor. Remember to take time to do a funny dance and make everyone laugh. Share the funny things I find online–movies, memes, videos, apps, and games. Laughter is a great tonic at times like this. Try to lighten the burden of those who are suffering from mental health issues now, ranging from anxiety, to depression, to substance abuse. Show them the love by listening and sharing good humor to lift their spirits.
- Love thru Generosity. Remember to invest time now to be able to help others this summer. Create a Victory Garden that will produce more than enough to share with neighbors and others in my community. As a Master Gardener, remember to be generous not only with produce, but with offers of assistance, with gardening advice, and with compliments for the gardening efforts of others.
- Love thru Respect. Remember to show my love for our planet, for nature, and for wildlife, by respecting its role in our well being. Be a good steward of the earth and remember to do the right things, even during this time of crisis. Remember that lack of such respect may lead to future crises.
- Love thru Self-care. Remember to take care of myself. If my reserves are depleted, I will have little to give anyone else. Meditate, eat healthily, take breaks from the news and practice self care. Remember to walk to the creek and listen to the laughing waters. Give myself a spa night at home and bake some peanut butter cookies. If love is the alpha and omega, remember it also begins and ends right here.
How do you plan to show the love during the coronavirus crisis? I would love to hear your ideas, and add them into my own list of resolutions. Please leave a comment. And stay well. I love my readers too.
Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.