Tag: family bonds

The Special Joys of Sisterhood Weekends

There never seemed enough time at family gatherings for the three of us to have the “chick-chats” we had once dearly loved.

Growing up, I had the remarkable experience of being the eldest of eight children. The four that followed me in sequence were all brothers, and for nearly half of my childhood, I was the lone female child in a house full of testosterone.

Home for the holidays in Buffalo, where the dream of “sisterhood weekends” was born.

You can imagine then, why I was so elated when I learned that child number six was a girl, as was child number seven. The age gap between me and them proved to be a bonus, as we bypassed the usual sibling rivalries. When I started dating boys, for example, they were still playing with dolls and stuffed animals.

Despite the age difference, with ten of us living in a small house, we three sisters shared a bedroom for many years. I loved to read the girls stories, play the latest hits on the transistor radio, teach them new dance steps, and watch them watch me while I put on makeup. I like to think that I was a role model of sorts, or at least, that they got a sense of what life might be like when they reached my ripe old age.

Florida in winter was a favorite destination.

I left home at 18 for college and never returned (everyone in the family was kind of relieved; they had more elbow room, not to mention more time in the only bathroom). And although I missed everyone in the family, I especially missed my two little sisters. It was an ache that would stay with me long after I was married and had a family of my own.

The strong bonds that form among sisters are legendary, of course. The stuff of great songs, movies, and literature—everything from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, to “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. Like others, our shared history led us three to form relationships that are complex, empathetic, and sometimes emotionally charged. But I always knew that when things went awry, my sisters would always be the first ones there for me.

Sharing street food in Central Park, NYC.

So one day, back in the early 1990s, when all three of us were back home for the holidays, we started talking about getting together more frequently, outside of the larger family gatherings. By that time we had husbands, and jobs, and children, and lived in three different cities. There never seemed enough time at family gatherings for the three of us to have the “chick-chats” we had once dearly loved. We agreed that we would try to carve out a long weekend, at least once a year, for just the three of us to be together again.

In the Gulf of Mexico listening to a marine biologist.

And so over the years, we’ve traveled to many different places—New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Miami, Hilton Head, and Savannah, to name a few. Florida was often a destination in the winter months, and places like Toronto and Niagara-on-the-Lake, when it was warm.

We went on yoga retreats and luxuriated in spas. We played instruments in a music video (“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”) at Disneyworld’s Pleasure Island, pretending to be an all-girl rock band. At the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas, we went up the Mayan Temple to the “Leap of Faith,” a 60-foot water slide with a terrifying drop through a shark-infested lagoon. We took a less terrifying boat ride in the Gulf of Mexico with a marine biologist, who taught us what life was really like beneath the waves.

Sometimes, when our children were infants, they got to come along.

Although the destinations were interesting and the adventures were fun, it was the late-night talks that made these experiences memorable. Although we three are very different people having led very diverse lives, when we come together we are like children again, sharing things we aren’t willing to share with anyone else. That level of trust only comes after years of openness, honesty, and emotional support.  

Thirty-five years later we still get together, this year at the Mohonk Nature Preserve in New York.

All three of us keep a box full of photos that memorialize our many sisterhood weekends, because they have meant so much to us. Some have said that love among sisters is the “greatest love of all” because of its emotional depth. So ladies, if you have a sister, hold her close and spend as much time with her as you can. These rare moments of togetherness are priceless, and worth whatever effort it takes to make them happen.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates, grows tomatoes, and enjoys a good online Zumba routine at home on winter evenings. Virgin Snow is her first novel, and she is currently working on Book Two in the trilogy.

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

How we react and how we behave over the coming months will define who we are, and how we will be remembered, long after we are gone.

“These are the times that try men’s souls,” said Thomas Paine about the crisis that confronted Americans in 1776. Today we face another crisis that will test us all as Americans, as individuals, and as global citizens. How we react and how we behave over the coming months will define who we are, and how we will be remembered, long after we are gone.

We do not know when, or if, the coronavirus will visit us personally, and if it does, whether or not we will survive it. This sobering thought has me laser-focused on what is truly important in life, and what I should let fall by the wayside.

It is time to remember what is important in life.

When it is my time, for what would I like to be remembered? I have taken inspiration from Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who in his novel Love in the Time of Cholera, writes, “The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love.” Love, he goes on to explain is “a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega, an end in itself.”

I decided that I would like to be remembered as someone who loved deeply. Not just someone who felt love, but someone able to express love without reservation. I realize though, that I, like many others, face a challenge. As more and more of us are isolated, stuck at home, unemployed, sick, bored, irritable, confrontational, and running out of resources, how do we find the inner strength to show our love?  Especially at a distance?

It is more important now than ever to show the love.

Do you remember the poem, “Desiderata?” The poem expresses the need to strive for worthy ideals, and the word desiderata means, “things wanted or needed” to achieve that. In order to focus on my new, # 1 priority in life, I decided to compose my own desiderata, my own list of things I want or need to remember to be able to express my love. Perhaps some on my list will resonate with you.   

Remember to say: I love the music you make.
  • Love thru Intimacy. Remember to love my spouse, and why I was attracted to him in the first place, especially when so much “togetherness” is getting on everyone’s last nerve. And although there is a good chance that nine months from now there will be a COVID-19 baby boom, I should always remember there is more to intimacy than sex. While we are quarantined, I need to remember that the unexpected loving touch (hugs, kisses, back scratches, picking lint off a sweater) often says more than words. Love notes left on the refrigerator, reminiscences over dinner, dreams of good things yet to come are more important now than ever. Remember to say how much I love the way he strums his mandolin each morning while I have coffee. Remember how important it is to still have fun together.
Remember it is important, especially for the little ones, to have fun.
  • Love thru Patience. Remember to love the little ones in my life by exercising infinite patience. Remember that they don’t show their stress and anxiety the way we do at times like this, but the stress is there. Remember to be the fun auntie who likes to play and tell stories. Forgive small transgressions. Listen to them with your full attention. Pause before you speak. Remember to take time to watch the littlest one learn to walk (via video chat) and remember to applaud her efforts loudly.
Remember to keep in touch with my elders, especially now.
  • Love thru Tenderness. Remember to treat my elders with gentleness. They are especially vulnerable at this time and I should do everything in my power to protect them and keep them safe, even if that means not seeing them as often as I’d like. Remember the elders in my neighborhood too, and shop or do for them what I can. Remember that not all seniors have access to the Internet so be sure to call and let them know I am thinking about them. Remember to offer words of encouragement to help them get through this.
Remember to do what I can to help others from the safety of my home.
  • Love thru Compassion. Remember how fortunate I am to be quarantined in a comfortable house with access to food and the things that I need, while many less fortunate souls have neither. Remember those who have lost their jobs and can’t buy groceries or pay the rent. Remember those who are still working every day, putting their lives on the line to keep us healthy and safe, and to do my part to help them protect themselves. Donate what I can to help those in need, and volunteer to help from home where possible.
Remember my pets need to feel the love too.
  • Love thru Kindness. Remember to be kind to my furry family members who are such a source of comfort during difficult times. As happy as my pets are to have me home, remember that they sense my stress and are affected. Remember to play with them, hold them, pet them, and buy them treats. Remember too, all the other living creatures who enjoy my protection, from the birds at the feeders, to the fish in the pond, to the lady bugs hatching inside my house. Remember they all have their place in the great circle of life.
Remember to act silly to lighten the mood.
  • Love thru Humor. Remember to take time to do a funny dance and make everyone laugh. Share the funny things I find online–movies, memes, videos, apps, and games. Laughter is a great tonic at times like this. Try to lighten the burden of those who are suffering from mental health issues now, ranging from anxiety, to depression, to substance abuse. Show them the love by listening and sharing good humor to lift their spirits.
Remember to plant a garden that can help feed the neighborhood.
  • Love thru Generosity. Remember to invest time now to be able to help others this summer. Create a Victory Garden that will produce more than enough to share with neighbors and others in my community. As a Master Gardener, remember to be generous not only with produce, but with offers of assistance, with gardening advice, and with compliments for the gardening efforts of others.
Remember that all living things are connected in the Circle of Life.
  • Love thru Respect. Remember to show my love for our planet, for nature, and for wildlife, by respecting its role in our well being. Be a good steward of the earth and remember to do the right things, even during this time of crisis. Remember that lack of such respect may lead to future crises.
  • Love thru Self-care. Remember to take care of myself. If my reserves are depleted, I will have little to give anyone else. Meditate, eat healthily, take breaks from the news and practice self care. Remember to walk to the creek and listen to the laughing waters. Give myself a spa night at home and bake some peanut butter cookies. If love is the alpha and omega, remember it also begins and ends right here.

How do you plan to show the love during the coronavirus crisis? I would love to hear your ideas, and add them into my own list of resolutions. Please leave a comment. And stay well. I love my readers too.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.