Category: Childhood memories

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

How we react and how we behave over the coming months will define who we are, and how we will be remembered, long after we are gone.

“These are the times that try men’s souls,” said Thomas Paine about the crisis that confronted Americans in 1776. Today we face another crisis that will test us all as Americans, as individuals, and as global citizens. How we react and how we behave over the coming months will define who we are, and how we will be remembered, long after we are gone.

We do not know when, or if, the coronavirus will visit us personally, and if it does, whether or not we will survive it. This sobering thought has me laser-focused on what is truly important in life, and what I should let fall by the wayside.

It is time to remember what is important in life.

When it is my time, for what would I like to be remembered? I have taken inspiration from Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who in his novel Love in the Time of Cholera, writes, “The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love.” Love, he goes on to explain is “a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega, an end in itself.”

I decided that I would like to be remembered as someone who loved deeply. Not just someone who felt love, but someone able to express love without reservation. I realize though, that I, like many others, face a challenge. As more and more of us are isolated, stuck at home, unemployed, sick, bored, irritable, confrontational, and running out of resources, how do we find the inner strength to show our love?  Especially at a distance?

It is more important now than ever to show the love.

Do you remember the poem, “Desiderata?” The poem expresses the need to strive for worthy ideals, and the word desiderata means, “things wanted or needed” to achieve that. In order to focus on my new, # 1 priority in life, I decided to compose my own desiderata, my own list of things I want or need to remember to be able to express my love. Perhaps some on my list will resonate with you.   

Remember to say: I love the music you make.
  • Love thru Intimacy. Remember to love my spouse, and why I was attracted to him in the first place, especially when so much “togetherness” is getting on everyone’s last nerve. And although there is a good chance that nine months from now there will be a COVID-19 baby boom, I should always remember there is more to intimacy than sex. While we are quarantined, I need to remember that the unexpected loving touch (hugs, kisses, back scratches, picking lint off a sweater) often says more than words. Love notes left on the refrigerator, reminiscences over dinner, dreams of good things yet to come are more important now than ever. Remember to say how much I love the way he strums his mandolin each morning while I have coffee. Remember how important it is to still have fun together.
Remember it is important, especially for the little ones, to have fun.
  • Love thru Patience. Remember to love the little ones in my life by exercising infinite patience. Remember that they don’t show their stress and anxiety the way we do at times like this, but the stress is there. Remember to be the fun auntie who likes to play and tell stories. Forgive small transgressions. Listen to them with your full attention. Pause before you speak. Remember to take time to watch the littlest one learn to walk (via video chat) and remember to applaud her efforts loudly.
Remember to keep in touch with my elders, especially now.
  • Love thru Tenderness. Remember to treat my elders with gentleness. They are especially vulnerable at this time and I should do everything in my power to protect them and keep them safe, even if that means not seeing them as often as I’d like. Remember the elders in my neighborhood too, and shop or do for them what I can. Remember that not all seniors have access to the Internet so be sure to call and let them know I am thinking about them. Remember to offer words of encouragement to help them get through this.
Remember to do what I can to help others from the safety of my home.
  • Love thru Compassion. Remember how fortunate I am to be quarantined in a comfortable house with access to food and the things that I need, while many less fortunate souls have neither. Remember those who have lost their jobs and can’t buy groceries or pay the rent. Remember those who are still working every day, putting their lives on the line to keep us healthy and safe, and to do my part to help them protect themselves. Donate what I can to help those in need, and volunteer to help from home where possible.
Remember my pets need to feel the love too.
  • Love thru Kindness. Remember to be kind to my furry family members who are such a source of comfort during difficult times. As happy as my pets are to have me home, remember that they sense my stress and are affected. Remember to play with them, hold them, pet them, and buy them treats. Remember too, all the other living creatures who enjoy my protection, from the birds at the feeders, to the fish in the pond, to the lady bugs hatching inside my house. Remember they all have their place in the great circle of life.
Remember to act silly to lighten the mood.
  • Love thru Humor. Remember to take time to do a funny dance and make everyone laugh. Share the funny things I find online–movies, memes, videos, apps, and games. Laughter is a great tonic at times like this. Try to lighten the burden of those who are suffering from mental health issues now, ranging from anxiety, to depression, to substance abuse. Show them the love by listening and sharing good humor to lift their spirits.
Remember to plant a garden that can help feed the neighborhood.
  • Love thru Generosity. Remember to invest time now to be able to help others this summer. Create a Victory Garden that will produce more than enough to share with neighbors and others in my community. As a Master Gardener, remember to be generous not only with produce, but with offers of assistance, with gardening advice, and with compliments for the gardening efforts of others.
Remember that all living things are connected in the Circle of Life.
  • Love thru Respect. Remember to show my love for our planet, for nature, and for wildlife, by respecting its role in our well being. Be a good steward of the earth and remember to do the right things, even during this time of crisis. Remember that lack of such respect may lead to future crises.
  • Love thru Self-care. Remember to take care of myself. If my reserves are depleted, I will have little to give anyone else. Meditate, eat healthily, take breaks from the news and practice self care. Remember to walk to the creek and listen to the laughing waters. Give myself a spa night at home and bake some peanut butter cookies. If love is the alpha and omega, remember it also begins and ends right here.

How do you plan to show the love during the coronavirus crisis? I would love to hear your ideas, and add them into my own list of resolutions. Please leave a comment. And stay well. I love my readers too.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

Swimming with Sea Lions

I have never been met by a Welcome Committee quite like this one. They seemed very glad to see us–a group of strangers–pulling up in our noisy zodiac boat. They responded to our presence by doing somersaults, waving their fins and popping their heads out of the water in greeting. Perhaps this is the thing that is most striking about the Galapagos Islands. The wildlife is remarkably unperturbed by human intrusions into their domain, and some, like the sea lions, even seem to enjoy it.

Few of the wildlife seem bothered by our presence. All photos copyright by Moxie Gardiner.

I first heard about the Galapagos Islands when I was a child and the Catholic Church was still wrestling with Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution. (Catholic schools today, in the US and other countries, teach “evolutionary creationism” as part of their science curriculum.) What caught my youthful attention, however, was not the theological arguments of those times, but pictures in National Geographic magazine of the awesome Galapagos tortoises.

Giant tortoises living the good life at the Charles Darwin Research Center

The more I read and learned about how life developed on this isolated archipelago, the more I knew I wanted to go there. Not only were there spectacular volcanic eruptions creating new islands, and older ones sinking slowly into the sea, I wanted to see the strange and bizarre adaptions of mammals, birds, plants, and sealife unique to these islands, more than 600 miles away from any mainland.

The Christmas iguana’s distinction is its unusual coloration.

What might I learn about life on our planet, I wondered, and its future, from these survivors of a harsh and constantly changing environment? Would I come away with hope in my heart, or despair?

Let me say first that the Galapagos would probably not be your first choice for a luxury vacation or destination wedding. Most of the islands are part of Ecuador’s national park system and therefore highly restricted in terms of development. That said, it is possible to visit in relative comfort. We stayed on a cozy, 40-passenger cruise ship that docked 10 minutes or so from each island, and shuttled us from ship to shore by panga, the Ecuadorean word for zodiac boat.

We traveled by panga from island to island.
Blue-footed boobies have snazzy feet
and interesting mating rituals.

Each day we were able to hike across a different island, observing iguanas, colorful crabs, lizards, Darwin’s finches, frigate birds, and assorted boobies (blue-footed, red-footed, and Nazca boobies; not the other kind).

Can you spot the green sea turtle swimming beneath us?

We could kayak to remote cliffs and watch the mating rituals of the frigate birds, puffing out their red-feathered chests to attract females. We also had the opportunity to snorkel and see the incredible marine life that thrives below the surface of the clear, aquamarine waters. I will never forget swimming through enormous schools of colorful fish, while sea lions clowned around for our entertainment, and green sea turtles swam lazily by.  

The best snorkeling I’ve ever experienced!

Most visitors only see the giant tortoises at the Charles Darwin Research Station on Santa Cruz, where the tortoises live in semi-retirement, their primary responsibility being to mate and have offspring. On the island of Espanola, however, lives a large 100-year-old male named Diego, known by locals as the gringo macho, or “playboy tortoise.” Before Diego was sent there as part of a tortoise breeding program, there were two males and 12 females on the island. Diego did his job, however, and reportedly fathered over 800 offspring. We looked for Diego when we were on Espanola, but he was apparently busy.[i]

A giant tortoise prowls the Charles Darwin research center.
Nope. This is not Diego, the “playboy,” but another male giant tortoise.

Did we see examples of “adaptation” and “natural selection” that Darwin observed during his voyage on the HMS Beagle? We certainly did. We saw cacti as large as trees (“gigantism”), birds with vivid coloring to attract mates (“natural selection”) and finches that developed different beaks (so they could more easily eat whatever was available, called “adaptation”). We saw the bones of creatures that did not, or could not, survive a recent El Nino and presumably other extreme weather events.

The cactus finch developed a long, needle like beak to get access to food.

Did I learn anything about the future of the human species from my visit to the Galapagos? Maybe. If we humans are resilient enough, or learn to more quickly adapt, we too might be able to withstand whatever harsh changes, global pandemics, or catastrophic conditions lie in our future. But are we that adaptable? That remains to be seen. Perhaps there is a “Diego” or two among us who will ensure the survival of our species, no matter what comes.

Who knows what tomorrow may bring, to the Galapagos…or any of us?

Have you ever visited the Galapagos, or had an interest in going there? Please comment and let me know what you think about this extraordinary archipelago. I would love to hear from you.

[i] For more details about the giant tortoises, see the many resources referenced in Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gal%C3%A1pagos_tortoise

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

In My Room

When I first heard the song “In My Room,” written by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys in the early 1960’s, I knew exactly what he was talking about. As one of eight children, I desperately wanted a private space where I could be alone. When I reached the age of 16, I got my wish: my own room, or at least a corner of a room, that I could call my own.

I recently found this picture (above) of my teenage bedroom, decorated in a way that reflected my interests (and eccentricities) at that time. You’ll notice there are no posters of favorite bands or movie stars, no lava lamps or black light posters, no stereo, peace symbols or love beads, the typical accoutrements of teenagers in 1970 when this photo was taken.

Some of my favorite teenage reading material All photos by Moxie Gardiner (except those obviously taken by her mother).

Instead there is a campaign poster for Robert F. Kennedy, (although he’d been taken from us two years earlier). There’s also a poster for the musical “Hair,” an artifact from my first date. Next to the bed, where I could easily reach them, were my beloved books, ranging from literature to poetry to Nancy Drew mysteries, and everyone’s favorite bedside companion, The Sensuous Woman.

What hints do I see in these old photos of the person I was to become? At this age I was obviously still transitioning from child to adult. Witness the juxtaposition of the “7 up” sign on my wall along with the one for “Utica Club” beer. A Chanel perfume poster hints at a longing to be more mature and sophisticated, but the stuffed animals and Chatty Cathy doll on the bed suggest that the girl sleeping there was still clinging to childhood comforts.

We lived in a neighborhood full of kids, but I often felt alone.

What I remember of that time is that despite my many siblings, classmates, and a whole passel of neighborhood kids, I often felt alone. My interests and way of dress were odd (we didn’t have the money to invest in trends) and I was nerdy. I sometimes mixed my West Side slang with “big” words from classic literature, making for clumsy conversation. I indulged in off-color jokes and barbed witticisms, mostly to mask my insecurities. And like all teenagers, I was a bundle of contradictions–funny but sad, eloquent and profane, smart but clueless, daring and fearful.

Life magazine opened my eyes to a world of possibilities.

In my room, I could dream of being the person I wanted to be, not the person I was. I could be an Avenger like Emma Peel, a detective like Honey West, a poet like Emily Dickinson who wrote about the world she imagined from the seclusion of her room. I could work for a senator, attract handsome boys, and travel to the places I’d read about in Life magazine.

My friend Ginny saw this photo and asked, “What were you writing while wearing that Martian headgear? Your first science fiction book?”

I could dream of seeing the “Big Five” on safari in Africa and watch whales breaching in Alaska. I could walk among the giant tortoises in the Galapagos Islands and capture them, with my camera and typewriter, of course. In my room, all things were possible, as they should be when you are young.

This little exercise in nostalgia and self reflection has helped me understand today’s teenagers a little better. Now when I see them glued to their smartphones, I wonder if their favorite electronic device, like my room, serves as their safe haven. A place they can escape to and shut off a sometimes frightening reality. A place to be alone in the midst of others. A place to fire the imagination, and dream.

I am doing things now I could only imagine back then. Sometimes dreams really do come true.

Come to think of it, many in my peer group today are just as addicted to their phones as their kids and grand kids. Maybe the need for a private safe space never really goes away.

Were you an awkward teenager like me, or were you one of the cool kids? I would love to hear your take on teenage angst. Leave me a comment—I love to read them!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

What Your DNA Test Won’t Tell You

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I want to express my gratitude to my ancestors for the many ways they shaped my life.

Dear Great and Great-great Grandparents,

We never had a chance to get to know each other, but I wish we had. What I wouldn’t give to hear in your own words why you left your homes in Ireland and Sicily to come to the United States and settle in Buffalo. I wonder if the reality of living in a crowded city, so unlike your rural farms, met your expectations. I wonder if you ever missed home.

Friends and family are everything in Montemaggiore Belsito, Sicily,
my grandmother’s ancestral homeland. All blog photos by Moxie Gardiner

Recently, I went back to the ancestral homelands. I learned that your lives in Sicily and Ireland as poor tenant farmers were very hard. Both islands had a tempestuous relationship with the faraway central government, and people like you sometimes felt forgotten or deliberately taken advantage of by those in authority. You came to trust only your community and family, and followed them to the Irish and Sicilian enclaves in the US, in search of work and a better life. You held on to the old traditions and your native tongue because they gave you a sense of security. You were proud to be Americans, but reluctant to let go of your heritage, and because of you I can empathize with the many who want to come here someday.

The Irish are born storytellers
Stop in any Irish pub and you’ll find songs, laughter, a pint of Guinness, and born storytellers like me.

You would be happy to know that you have many, many descendants in the US, and for the most part we are thriving. Some of us have started businesses, others teach, still others serve their country or community. Many of us still cling to the old traditions: we make cuccidati cookies for Christmas, eat pasta con sarde at St. Joseph’s Tables, and celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I think you would be pleased to know we have no problem embracing both cultures as our own.

It wasn’t until I went to Ireland and Sicily in October, and walked where you walked, smelled the sea-scented air, learned about your history, and rubbed elbows with the people who stayed behind, that I began to feel a real connection with you and understand where I fit in the long procession of humanity that comes and goes here on earth. Yes, DNA tests can tell us a lot about our biological and genealogical makeup, about inherited skills and traits, and physical characteristics. But what you bequeathed to me couldn’t be discerned through a DNA test alone.

Nestled in the mountains of northern Sicily is the charming town of Valledolmo,
birthplace of my great grandfather.

A DNA test couldn’t tell me why certain smells, sounds, and sights evoke powerful emotions in me. Why 20 years ago, when I drove through a valley between two mountains in West Virginia, I knew I needed to build a home there.  As soon as I rounded a steep mountain curve and saw the small village of Valledolmo, Sicily, I knew why West Virginia spoke to me, even though I grew up in a city.

The wild northern coast of Ireland speaks to my heart
The wild northern coast of Ireland, home to my Irish ancestors.
The smell of Grandma's homemade bread brings back memories
In Sicily, they still bake bread
like my Nonna used to bake.

When I saw the wild coast of County Donegal and the cliffs that march right up to the sea, I understood why I was attracted to the jagged rocks along Lake Erie instead of the comfort of the beach. When a baker delivered fresh bread to a home in Montemaggiore Belsito, I understood why the smell of it can still make my knees buckle. And when I hear the sad songs of the Celtic harp, I now know why I feel a tug at my heart, a longing for a home that exists deep in my temporal lobe, where memory and imagination sit side by side.

Sunsets are memorable along Sicily's northern coast
Sunsets over the beautiful northern coast of Sicily speak to me of home.
A Sicilian man expresses his joy of life.
Gratitude is the foundation of a happy life.

By visiting your homelands, I learned what you passed along to me is more than genetic traits, more than culture and tradition. My emotional make up, personality, artistic inclinations, even some of my bad behaviors, may have come from you. Is it possible that my imagination is drawing these conclusions? Sure. But I prefer to think my soul knows what it knows. 

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I want to express my gratitude to you, dear ancestors, for the many ways that you shaped my life when you set sail for the United States. Thanks to your courage, I have a good life.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

Beggar’s Night

October 30th brings back memories of Mom putting the finishing touches on our homemade Halloween costumes, and us kids looking at the sky, waiting for it to grow dark. As soon as we finished supper, we would run out the door with a large paper bag—24 hours before the actual Halloween trick-or-treating began. Funny thing is, the neighbors were ready for us.

This was known as “Beggar’s Night” in Buffalo, and I along with hundreds of other kids on the West Side looked forward to two full nights of trick-or-treating. It was only as an adult that I learned a) most people in the US have never heard of Beggar’s Night because it’s a regional thing, and b) it was established to allow younger children to have their own night of candy collecting before older kids prowled the neighborhoods, looking to get into mischief. Since we did not know this was the rationale, we trick-or-treated both nights and collected enough candy to open our own corner store.

Little kids dressing up for Halloween
We loved to go Trick-or-Treating on Beggar’s Night

Today, of course, Halloween no longer features kids draped in bed sheets with holes cut out for eyes or wearing plastic masks of their favorite monsters. Halloween has become a money maker. According to USA Today, American consumers spent some $9 billion on Halloween in 2018, with over $3 billion of that spent on costumes alone. A good portion of that money comes not from the pockets of parents with children, but from young adults in the 18-24 year-old age demographic. Party stores, bars, supermarkets, pumpkin farms, candy factories, and the gift card industry, all depend on Halloween to fatten their end-of-year coffers.

Halloween costumes
Monsters and superheroes were Halloween favorites

Which makes me wonder, how did we get from the Beggar’s Night and Halloween of my childhood, to the commercialized holiday that it is today? And how far did the Halloween we enjoyed deviate from the original holiday? It just so happens that I am in Ireland this Halloween, learning about the lives of my Irish ancestors. According to the “Irish Culture and Customs” website (see link below), the Irish invented Halloween.

Legend has it that the ancient Celts divided the year into halves, one associated with the dark, the other with the light. The dark half began when the sun set on November first, which they called Samhain.  On Samhain, the Celts would extinguish their fires and wait for the Druids to light the new fire of the year. At the end of the ceremonies, participants would take home a brand from the new fire to light their hearths anew. While many of the old Samhain traditions have died out in Ireland, the lighting of bonfires has survived.

On Hallowe’en, the night before Samhain, Celtic families would feast on the bounty of the Autumn harvest. Children visited relatives and friends and were given apples and nuts. A favorite traditional fall dish, still popular in Ireland, is Colcannon, a mixture of potatoes, cabbage and scallions. Other traditional Hallowe’en dishes are stampy, a sweet cake; boxty, the savory version of stampy; apple cakes and barmbrack, which is a rich fruit bread.

Pinocchio costume
Apples were traditionally a special treat on Halloween

Many traditions were brought by Irish immigrants to the US and adopted across the land. Jack O’Lantern, for example, was an Irish blacksmith, a lost soul doomed by the devil to roam the Earth with a hollowed out turnip lit by a burning coal ember. In the US, we continue this tradition with a hollowed out pumpkin. Druids disguised themselves to elude ghosts roaming the land on Hallowe’en night so they wouldn’t get carried away. Centuries later, the tradition of disguise continues.

Like all pagan rituals in Ireland, Samhain was frowned upon by the Catholic Church, and by the 13th century, although many of the old Samhain rituals remain as folk customs, November 1st had become a Christian holy day.

I look forward to spending the next couple of days with the Irish to see how many of the old traditions remain, as well as observe firsthand if there is any resemblance to the billion dollar holiday, known as Halloween in the US, in Ireland today. I will try to post some pictures, though Wifi connections are spotty here in the land of the ancient Druids. Stay tuned.

Do you celebrate Beggar’s Night? Halloween? All Saints Day? Or do you ignore them all? I would love to hear your comments.

https://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

Change is Gonna Come

When I go home to Buffalo, I never pass up an opportunity to visit my old neighborhood on the Upper West Side. Photo courtesy of Maria Eley.

Several times a year, I head home to Buffalo to visit friends and family and reconnect with my past. When I do, I never pass up an opportunity to visit my old neighborhood on the Upper West Side.

I still have friends there. Some live in the houses where they grew up, others remain in homes where they raised their children. Still others left when Buffalo hit its nadir in the late 1970s, only to return in the past 20 years as the city regained its footing.

photo of abandoned Spark's Dairy building
Boarded-up Spark’s Dairy, circa 1970. Photo by Moxie Gardiner

Yes, the street where I grew up has changed. Our old house looks smaller than I remember, and the length of our block, the one I raced down on the way home from school, seems so much shorter. There isn’t an Italian grocery store within walking distance, and my old elementary school and church, Nativity of the Blessed Virgin May, closed its doors some years ago. But lest you think I’m one of the old timers about to bemoan the loss of the West Side of my youth, let me quickly say this:

I love the New West Side.

family catching school bus
New residents of the West Side settle into work and school. Photo courtesy of Maria Eley.

When I visit, I find a neighborhood just as lively and interesting as the one where I grew up. My old school, Nativity, is now owned by Catholic Charities, a social services organization which helps refugees resettle into new homes. The staff who work there teach English and assist the refugees in looking for jobs or starting micro-businesses. They provide services not all that different from Catholic Charities’ original mission back in 1910, when they helped Sicilians and other immigrants do the same. I’ve talked to the new students who attend classes at the old Nativity, and they are thrilled to be living in their new, my old, neighborhood.

vegetable garden replaces front lawn

Some of the front lawns on my street, once filled with crabgrass and opportunistic weeds, have been replaced with environmentally-friendly vegetable gardens—there is one next door to where I lived. Photo courtesy of Doreen Regan.

boho apartment building on Buffalo's west side
The old dairy has new life. Photo courtesy of Doreen Regan.

The abandoned dairy across the street is now a Bohemian-looking apartment building. The garbage-strewn “Triangle” as we called it, where 15th, Massachussetts, and West Utica streets meet, is now a pretty little garden with benches where dog walkers can sit.

Grant Street, where we shopped for everything from shoes to groceries, is vibrant again with old stores like Zarcone’s Meat Market being bought and run by a young couple named Moriarity who sell specialized cuts of locally raised meat. Next door to the meat market is the West Side Bazaar where you can stop in for lunch and sample food from many nations.

Remedy House, an upscale cafe, serves great coffee. Photo by Moxie Gardiner.
The new Five Points Bakery on Brayton Street. Photo by Moxie Gardiner

Two blocks down and two blocks over from where I lived is an up-and-coming area called Five Points. There is a fabulous bakery there, as well as a wine shop, garden shop, clothing store, and a café with really good coffee.

Gardens in Buffalo are second to none.
West Side flower garden. Photo courtesy of Maria Eley.

As a writer, I was thrilled to learn that every year, one of Buffalo’s “Reading Invasions” sets up in front of the Five Points Bakery, with people of all ages gathering to relax on chairs and blankets and read on the bakery’s lawn. (I want to go next year!)

And as a gardener, I am as proud as can be of the exquisite West Side gardens I saw on Buffalo’s Annual Garden Walk, reported to be the largest garden tour in North America. I tend to admire gardens wherever I travel, and the gardens I saw gracing the old Victorian homes that still dot the West Side are second to none.

The micro-business West Side Bazaar sells food and clothing from many nations. Photo by Moxie Gardiner.

No, this isn’t the West Side where I grew up, but as the late, great singer/songwriter Sam Cooke once observed, “Change is gonna come.” I have learned I can still love my old West Side and embrace the new. I can choose to focus on the crime, empty lots, and blighted houses that still exist in pockets, or I can shift my lens to the new immigrants, recent college grads, and young couples buying first homes, who imbue the new West Side with an energy and enthusiasm business investors and entrepreneurs are beginning to notice. It’s just a matter of time before the West Side is the best side, once again.  

What do you love about the place where you grew up? Has it changed with the times? I would love to read and respond to your comments!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

Root Bound

I am headed to Valledolmo and Montemaggiore Belsito in Sicily, to learn more about my great grandparents.

In October, I along with countless others will head to Sicily in search of my roots. The recent popularity of DNA testing has spurred renewed interest in finding one’s ancestors, and I decided that this year, I too, would walk in the footsteps of my forebears on a journey of self-discovery.

Hah. For me, that was easier said than done. The first challenge was figuring out where to go.

You see, like many people born in the melting pot that is, and was, the West Side of Buffalo, I am of mixed heritage. My paternal grandmother, a full-blooded Sicilian, was a significant influence in my early life so naturally I gravitated to Sicily.

Some were scandalized when my Sicilian grandmother married my Irish grandfather!

But what about my other ancestors? My Sicilian grandma married an Irishman. My maternal grandfather was born in Hungary. His parents were born in Switzerland and my grandmother’s people were German. The DNA tests also showed some surprises, like ancestors from France, England, and even Northern Africa, (not all that surprising if you know the history and geography of Sicily). Therefore, if I were a dog, I’d be what they call a “mixed breed,” or less politely, a “mutt.”

Grandpa John was born in Hungary

What’s a girl to do? I’d run out of money before I’d be able to take that kind of ancestry tour.

Which made me wonder, what are we really looking for when we search our roots? What is it we think we’ll learn? Certainly, it would be helpful to know if we have a predisposition toward certain illnesses or behaviors. For example, is my anxiety something prompted by today’s environment, or is it simply part of my genealogical makeup?

For many, I believe an ancestry quest is something more profound. It is an attempt to answer that essential, existential question—who am I—to know where you came from, and who gave you the characteristics that distinguish you from billions of others, that make you unique. How rewarding it is to find your place on a family tree that is part of humanity’s great forest. Furthermore, we gardeners know that the strength and health of a plant’s roots are essential to its ability to thrive.

I solved my personal dilemma by focusing this upcoming trip on the homelands of my father’s people—Sicily and Ireland—two small islands surrounded by vast, daunting seas. I want to learn something about why so many tempted fate and left, and if they found what they were seeking. I hope to find long-lost relatives who will help me understand.

Great Grandparents Elisabeth and Anton were Swiss

I know that all my ancestors who came from disparate lands to settle in Buffalo did have things in common. They came from impoverished circumstances in hopes of making a better life for themselves and their children. And like many immigrants, they were met with suspicion and intolerance from the people who arrived before them. The English resented the Germans, the Germans disliked the Irish, and the Irish despised the Sicilians. We sometimes forget that prejudice exists within races, as much as it does between them.

Great-great Grandma Mary was born in Ireland during the famine

It is an indisputable fact that we are a nation of immigrants. Immigrants learn that how warmly they are welcomed in their new home is a matter of timing and numbers. In our 200- plus-years of history as a nation, the US has accommodated great waves of poor immigrants many times. They came unskilled, spoke little if any English, and often required government assistance. Many times as a nation we have feared there were too many of them. However, we need to remember that immigrants also bring something our country, any country, always needs: an infusion of new blood, strong backs, determination, ambition, and dreams. Just like our ancestors.

Our vet once told us that dogs with “hybrid vigor” live the longest, healthiest lives. Armed with new DNA research, I am joyfully embracing my mixed heritage, my chance at longevity, and my future opportunities to travel to all the homes of my immigrant ancestors, to pay homage to those who made me, uniquely me.

Have you taken a DNA test yet? If so, why did you take it and what were you hoping to find? I would love to know where my readers stand. Please send me your stories! I promise to include them in the comments.

Empty Playgrounds

Friday was one of those beautiful June days, when the sun kisses the skin with just the right amount of warmth and gives the landscape sharp edges. When I was young, it was the kind of day that flung me out of the house and into the street as if I was attached to the end of a stretched rubber band.

In those days, 15th Street was so full of kids you only had to step outside to find one of your favorite street games underway. Hide & Seek, Red Rover, Cops & Robbers, Ringolevio, Duck-Duck-Goose, Freeze Tag and the ever popular Kick the Can. If you had one of those 10-cent pink balls from Woolworth’s you played 7up or Wheaties/Clapsies, taking turns bouncing the ball off a brick wall. If you had a flat stone and some chalk, you played Hopscotch. A piece of clothesline served as a jump rope.

broken water main
Then: What could be more fun than a water main break on a hot summer day?

I was in the midst of this happy reverie, driving down a suburban street chock-a-block with four bedroom houses separated by wide, green yards, when I noticed something that struck me as odd.

Where were the children?

I began to scan the backyards as I passed, then the front porches, the expensive jungle gyms, the in-ground swimming pools. Not a child in sight. I drove by a baseball field, the bleachers filled not with parents, but with tall weeds. Next came an empty playground, the swings hanging forlornly, the ground covered with rubberized mulch. To protect whom, from what, I wondered. I finally saw someone on a bicycle, pedaling rapidly down a bike path, but she appeared to be about 30 and commuting home from work.

Now: Where are all the pickup games?

School is out, so what explains the absence of children playing outside on a beautiful summer’s day? Of course, times have changed since I played on 15th Street. Mothers work. Young children spend the day at summer camp or daycare. Even stay-at-home moms and dads bring their children to safe, supervised activities, because that’s where all the other children are. The kids old enough to stay home alone, if they do venture outside, are glued to their smart phones and iPads.

Where are the children?

There are any numbers of reasons why the all- day, unsupervised, unstructured play of the 15th Street crowd doesn’t exist in today’s world. It’s a shame though, because free play is what bound our neighborhood together, almost as family. We kids knew every parent on the street, just as they knew each of us. We loved the elderly woman who gave us cookies and Kool-Aid in the middle of a sweaty afternoon. We all feared the old man who lived alone and yelled at us when we hopped his fence.

Though we lived in the city, we knew our little patch of earth as intimately as we knew our shared secrets. Every crack in the sidewalk, dying elm, fire hydrant, street lamp, and abandoned building. We could name every swimming pool and playground within five miles because we rode our bikes to all of them. We could walk to the corner store and find the candy counter blindfolded, we’d done it so many times.

We were more than friends…we were family

My point is that we had a very physical and emotional connection with our external environment—our street, our neighborhood, our city—that doesn’t seem to exist for children today. It is the kind of connection made only with the freedom to explore, to discover on your own what is around you.

I am grateful that I lived at a time when we played, wild and free, and every minute of a golden summer day was lived to the fullest. However, as the poet Robert Frost observed, “Nothing gold can stay.” Except in our memories.

What do you remember about your childhood summers? Leave me a comment and I’ll be happy to share your stories!

If Your Son Looked Like the Milkman

A thriving Spark’s Dairy circa 1958

Back in the day, there was an old joke that if one of your kids didn’t look like the others, your husband ought to take a gander at the milkman. The only thing worse than having one child look like the milkman, the joke went, was having all of your children look like him.[1] Yes, milkmen had the reputation of being the Lotharios of their day.

You have to be of a certain age to remember when the milkman was a regular fixture in the neighborhood. He would arrive at your house early in the morning after Dad left for work and you left for school. You would only see him in the summer months, walking toward the back porch with his large wooden milk crate, and hear the clinking of the bottles as he pulled the empties out of your family’s insulated milk box, and replaced them with cold, condensation-covered fresh ones.

Because we had a large family, the milkman came to our house every other day and knew my mother well. My mother was a virtuous woman so the milkman jokes were always lost on me until recently, when I learned our milkman once mentioned to her that if she didn’t have enough money to pay the bill, there were other “alternatives.” Sheesh.

Only cream came in bottles this small!

As I thought about those days, my mind began to wander. Why did the milkmen suddenly disappear from the scene? And what happened to the dairy farms and the dairy plants they worked for? We had a thriving dairy plant—Spark’s—not far from where we lived on the West Side of Buffalo. Sadly, Spark’s closed in 1962, along with 30 or so other Erie County milk plants that shut their doors in the sixties. According to one report, 972 milk plants across New York state closed between 1960 and 1981.[2]  

So what happened? Well, a number of things. First, supermarkets with refrigerated cases became ubiquitous. Second, mothers began to go to work. Third, many families got a second car and Mom could pick up milk on her way home from work while shopping for other groceries. Home delivery of milk became superfluous. Dairy farming also changed. According to one article I read[3], the farmers of the 1960s learned to farm during the Great Depression and operated on a “cash” basis. They didn’t encourage their sons and daughters to borrow money to continue the family farm, and many of their children went off to college, never to return to farming. Large, industrial scale dairy farms replaced small local dairies, and fewer local milk plants and delivery men were needed.

photo of abandoned Spark's Dairy building
Boarded-up Spark’s Dairy, circa 1970.

Now home milk delivery is making a comeback. Increasingly skeptical of food processed by big corporations, people in many parts of the country are turning to local farms and dairies for “farm to table” staples. According to a New York Times article[4], a “milkman renaissance” is underway, with consumers apparently willing to pay a premium for a gallon of home-delivered milk. It remains to be seen whether the new “renaissance” milkman will earn the same scandalous reputation as the milkmen of the past. If so, swimming pool cleaners and pizza delivery guys may have some competition.

Do you remember the milkman? Send me your stories!

[1] Don’t ask me how often this occurred. There are no accurate statistics. But given the number of books written about this topic, I imagine it happened. In 2018, Anna Burns won the Man Booker Prize for her novel, Milkman, which explores this old trope.

[2] There are interesting statistics on this. See https://dairymarkets.org/PubPod/Reference/Library/DIS.1982.pdf

[3] https://madison.com/business/decline-of-the-dairy-farm—-what-happened/article_fc7cb66f-c40a-585c-ac9c-71e279b8275e.html

[4] https://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/16/business/yourmoney/16milk.html

What the World Needs Now Is…More Holidays!

Growing up in Buffalo, we had a Valentine’s Day tradition that, as far as I can tell, was unique to our family. During the day, we exchanged paper valentines with our classmates, but when it grew dark, our family would wait in breathless anticipation for the annual visit of “The Big Man.”

We would be sitting at the dining room table around 7 pm, pretending to do our homework, when the front door bell would ring. We would run, fling open the door, and find a chocolate heart lying there, with one of our names on it. While we scanned the street for movement, we’d hear a knock at our back door. We’d run and find another heart. This would continue with all eight of us running and screaming back and forth through the house, until each of us had a candy heart.

The Big Man loomed large in our family lore. We were told he had exceptionally long legs and could run like the wind. We pictured him wearing a dark fedora and a long black coat, moving silently in the shadows. Once, we got the bright idea to split up with some of us waiting at each door, but my mother warned us, “I’m told the Big Man is very shy. If you see him once, you’ll never see him again.” None of us was willing to take that chance.

When we grew older and met our sweethearts, we celebrated Valentine’s Day with red wine and roses, but none of us forgot about the Big Man. When we had children we carried on the tradition, and thankfully, our children promise to continue it with theirs. Traditions—especially the funny, idiosyncratic ones like the Big Man—are what bind us as a family, with a shared history and a sense of belonging.

Psychologists say that celebrating holidays and establishing family traditions is one of the most essential things we do as humans. If approached with the right spirit, holidays are opportunities to relax, share a meal, have a few laughs, and tell stories that connect one generation to the next. So if holidays and traditions are so important, why don’t we have more of them?

I decided, as one of my New Year’s resolutions, to celebrate more holidays this year, and invent some new traditions. No, I’m not looking for more opportunities to shop for gifts or take time off from work. What I have in mind is far simpler. In February, for example, I celebrated Candlemas, Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, and President’s Day. To celebrate, I pulled out the nice tablecloth and fancy napkins, used the good china and silverware, added candles and decorations, and designed a meal that reflected the significance of the holiday. Cherry pie for George Washington’s Birthday, for example.

My latest brainstorm is to incorporate a few literary holidays (I am a writer, after all) into my celebratory calendar. We’ll enjoy “Dr. Seuss Day” on March 2nd with my own creative version of “green eggs and ham.” On June 16th, James Joyce’s “Bloomsday,” we’ll rejoice with a trip to an Irish pub. On July 21st, we’ll celebrate Hemingway’s birthday with oysters, Pont-l’Évêque cheese, cold Sancerre, and a shot of rum for good measure. Of course, we will party on Hobbit Day, September 22nd (because hobbits know how to party) and on December 10th I shall bake a coconut cake (her favorite) in honor of Emily Dickenson’s birthday.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what you are celebrating. What matters is that you find things to celebrate, and remember to include others. Teach the young about the old traditions, and involve the old timers in creating new ones. Have fun. Take a break from the news, politics, and whatever other stresses you are dealing with day-to-day and enjoy yourself.

That’s what the world needs now. Fewer confrontations. More celebrations.