Tag: New Year's resolutions

My “Big Rocks” for the New Year

My New Year’s Resolutions are a way to remind myself that if I don’t make the “big rocks” a priority I’ll never get them done.

I’ll never forget a parable I heard one snowy Christmas Eve at a hotel restaurant in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, a pretty little mountain village in the southern part of Germany. The holiday dinner was hosted by the hotel’s owner, and before we all dove into our appetizer, she asked everyone in the restaurant for a moment of silence so she could tell us a short story.

The pretty town of Garmisch-Partenkirchen where I first heard the parable of the rocks.


You could hear a pin drop as she told us in her beautifully accented English about a professor speaking to a group of students. “Okay,” said the professor, “time for a quiz.” He pulled out a one-gallon mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top with rocks, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel and dumped it in. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

We were all captivated as our hostess read the story.

He then reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started pouring it into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” “No!” the class shouted. Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and said, “What this illustration teaches us is this: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.” (Note: The origin of this parable is not exactly clear but it is most often quoted from Dr. Stephen Covey’s book, First Things First. https://www.appleseeds.org/Big-Rocks_Covey.htm)

Although I first heard this story more than a decade ago, I think about it every time I sit down to write my New Year’s Resolutions. Yes, I am old-school; I do not believe I am perfect “just the way I am.” I still have plenty of room for improvement. So I use my 10 resolutions as a way to remind myself that if I don’t make the “big rocks” a priority, I’ll never get them done, and my year will be filled by necessary but comparatively less-important things, the gravel, sand and water that are part of daily life.

Readers are asking, “When is Book Two coming out?”

Book Two in the Virgin Snow trilogy is my biggest rock for 2025, of course. I had hoped to have the complete manuscript drafted by the end of this year, but I let too much of the “small stuff” eat up my time, so this year I know I need I need to make it “Priority One.”


However, I find I am already asking myself, is the next book more important than spending time with loved ones? Doing volunteer work so I can “give back” to my community? Exercising daily and eating healthy home-cooked meals? Traveling while I still have my mobility? Reconnecting with friends, taking care of my pets? You get the picture. Not only is it important to focus on the big rocks—you have to figure out which big rocks can fit into your job jar, and then how to give each one the time it deserves.

My way of doing this is to keep an engagement calendar that lets me list the priorities for each day. I print out my 10 New Year’s Resolutions (i.e. the “big rocks”) on the first of January, and check it against my calendar from time to time to make sure each resolution is being addressed in due course. As the year comes to a close, I do my final accounting.

Last year I did pretty well—I completed eight of my 10 top priorities for the year. Not every year boasts a similar record of success, of course, but I make it a practice never to beat myself up about the ones I haven’t fulfilled, especially if I’ve made some progress. I just transfer them to the top of the next year’s list. That’s where Book Two will be sitting.

What are the big rocks in your life? A specific project? Time with family? An important cause? More exercise? Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? I would love to hear your comments in the section below. Happy New Year to all my readers!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.

Our Year of Living Differently

Goodbye 2020! What lessons did I learn from you to determine how I will live in 2021?

Like everyone else on the planet, I am glad to see 2020 come to an end.

But I have to admit, this past year has changed my life, at least in some ways, for the better. And while I know and appreciate that people are chomping at the bit to get back to “normal” in 2021, it is slowly dawning on me that some things will never return to the way they were. Perhaps they shouldn’t.   

This New Year’s Eve, I am looking at the lessons I learned by living differently in 2020, to determine how I will live in 2021. Here are 10 new habits I developed that will not change in the coming year:

  1. Paying more attention to the people I love: At the beginning of the pandemic, I awoke each day dreading the news that a loved one was ill or dying. I began to check in on everyone I knew, even people I hadn’t heard from in years. Once I confirmed they were fine, we laughed and joked and traded stories. It didn’t take long to realize there was nothing more important to me than being able to talk to the ones I love. It took a pandemic for me to permanently rearrange my priorities.
Checking in with loved ones is now the most important part of my day.

2. Shopping less often: We used go to the grocery store once or twice a week, sometimes more. Starting in March, we cut it back to once a month. We found we could easily manage with a well-stocked pantry of canned and dry foods, supplemented with perishables that could be frozen. We started buying reusable, rather than single-use products. When anticipated food shortages never happened, we were grateful. I will never take farm workers, grocery store cashiers, or delivery people for granted again.

The water was cold but refreshing in the DIY truck bed swimming pool.

3. My perception of looking good. This has been the year of no bra, no makeup, no perfume, and no haircuts—a year of grooming liberation! I learned people want to see you looking healthy on Zoom, not made-up like a L’Oréal commercial. I will rely on moisturizers and brisk walks to give me a nice virtual glow.

4. Learning to make new things: Stuck at home, we experimented with new foods, recipes, and ingredients. We learned to make everything from apple cinnamon crepes to seven grain bread and pickled okra. We made our own mail box, compost bin, raised beds, and home gym, giving us a much needed sense of accomplishment. We are now devoted DIY’ers.

Now that I’ve learned to make crepes, they will make a regular appearance on the menu.

5. Limiting who gets in my personal space: I miss hugging and kissing loved ones, but I intend to be more selective about who gets to enter my physical comfort zone in the future. Why not greet others with a wave, bow, curtsy, or two-fingered peace sign, rather than a handshake?  

6. Recognizing health as a luxury: Every morning that I could get out of bed, take a deep breath and feel my own cool forehead, I said a prayer of thanks. As the number of people who contracted the virus climbed into the millions, I was grateful for my doctors who sent us thoughtful email updates on the virus and conducted telehealth visits, and for all the scientists, researchers, EMTs, and hospital workers on the front lines. I will never take health care professionals for granted again.

We made these raised beds out of old barn wood; repurposing is our new mantra.

7. Paying attention to where the money goes: We live on a yearly budget now, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how little we spent by not traveling, going to restaurants, shopping, and paying for gas. This left more money at the end of the year to donate to charity and give gifts to loved ones.  

Using an old wheelbarrow for a grill, we enjoyed Friday night tailgate parties for two at home.

8. Planning more travel by motorcycle, car or RV: It is much easier to control who you sit next to that way! For the foreseeable future, we plan to spend our vacations traveling close to home and getting to know our own town, region, and state better. Family visits are at the top of the list, once it is safe to do so.

9. Working more productively from home: Employers are rethinking their investment in office space, as are school administrators in classrooms. We’ve learned that Zoom meetings and webinars cut costs, eliminate travel time, and reduce carbon emissions, among other things. As an introvert, I’m in my element working from home, but I’ve also learned how important it is to structure your day, have a dedicated workspace, and be disciplined in your work habits.

I learned I needed a dedicated office space and a daily planning calendar to stay focused.

10. Being prepared for whatever comes next: After 9/11, government agencies recommended that every family have an emergency plan, and I was very glad we had one, even if it wasn’t tailored specifically for a pandemic. We all learned some things this year about what to have on hand before the panic-buying and hoarding starts. Growing up in Buffalo, we always had extra milk and toilet paper around should the blizzards be worse than usual, but flour, yeast, and Lysol wipes? Who would have thunk it?

Did you develop new habits in 2020? Will you do things differently this coming year? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Whatever your plans are for 2021, I wish you all the best for a safe, happy, and healthy New Year!

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.