Category: Celebrations

What Your DNA Test Won’t Tell You

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I want to express my gratitude to my ancestors for the many ways they shaped my life.

Dear Great and Great-great Grandparents,

We never had a chance to get to know each other, but I wish we had. What I wouldn’t give to hear in your own words why you left your homes in Ireland and Sicily to come to the United States and settle in Buffalo. I wonder if the reality of living in a crowded city, so unlike your rural farms, met your expectations. I wonder if you ever missed home.

Friends and family are everything in Montemaggiore Belsito, Sicily,
my grandmother’s ancestral homeland. All blog photos by Moxie Gardiner

Recently, I went back to the ancestral homelands. I learned that your lives in Sicily and Ireland as poor tenant farmers were very hard. Both islands had a tempestuous relationship with the faraway central government, and people like you sometimes felt forgotten or deliberately taken advantage of by those in authority. You came to trust only your community and family, and followed them to the Irish and Sicilian enclaves in the US, in search of work and a better life. You held on to the old traditions and your native tongue because they gave you a sense of security. You were proud to be Americans, but reluctant to let go of your heritage, and because of you I can empathize with the many who want to come here someday.

The Irish are born storytellers
Stop in any Irish pub and you’ll find songs, laughter, a pint of Guinness, and born storytellers like me.

You would be happy to know that you have many, many descendants in the US, and for the most part we are thriving. Some of us have started businesses, others teach, still others serve their country or community. Many of us still cling to the old traditions: we make cuccidati cookies for Christmas, eat pasta con sarde at St. Joseph’s Tables, and celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I think you would be pleased to know we have no problem embracing both cultures as our own.

It wasn’t until I went to Ireland and Sicily in October, and walked where you walked, smelled the sea-scented air, learned about your history, and rubbed elbows with the people who stayed behind, that I began to feel a real connection with you and understand where I fit in the long procession of humanity that comes and goes here on earth. Yes, DNA tests can tell us a lot about our biological and genealogical makeup, about inherited skills and traits, and physical characteristics. But what you bequeathed to me couldn’t be discerned through a DNA test alone.

Nestled in the mountains of northern Sicily is the charming town of Valledolmo,
birthplace of my great grandfather.

A DNA test couldn’t tell me why certain smells, sounds, and sights evoke powerful emotions in me. Why 20 years ago, when I drove through a valley between two mountains in West Virginia, I knew I needed to build a home there.  As soon as I rounded a steep mountain curve and saw the small village of Valledolmo, Sicily, I knew why West Virginia spoke to me, even though I grew up in a city.

The wild northern coast of Ireland speaks to my heart
The wild northern coast of Ireland, home to my Irish ancestors.
The smell of Grandma's homemade bread brings back memories
In Sicily, they still bake bread
like my Nonna used to bake.

When I saw the wild coast of County Donegal and the cliffs that march right up to the sea, I understood why I was attracted to the jagged rocks along Lake Erie instead of the comfort of the beach. When a baker delivered fresh bread to a home in Montemaggiore Belsito, I understood why the smell of it can still make my knees buckle. And when I hear the sad songs of the Celtic harp, I now know why I feel a tug at my heart, a longing for a home that exists deep in my temporal lobe, where memory and imagination sit side by side.

Sunsets are memorable along Sicily's northern coast
Sunsets over the beautiful northern coast of Sicily speak to me of home.
A Sicilian man expresses his joy of life.
Gratitude is the foundation of a happy life.

By visiting your homelands, I learned what you passed along to me is more than genetic traits, more than culture and tradition. My emotional make up, personality, artistic inclinations, even some of my bad behaviors, may have come from you. Is it possible that my imagination is drawing these conclusions? Sure. But I prefer to think my soul knows what it knows. 

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I want to express my gratitude to you, dear ancestors, for the many ways that you shaped my life when you set sail for the United States. Thanks to your courage, I have a good life.

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

Beggar’s Night

October 30th brings back memories of Mom putting the finishing touches on our homemade Halloween costumes, and us kids looking at the sky, waiting for it to grow dark. As soon as we finished supper, we would run out the door with a large paper bag—24 hours before the actual Halloween trick-or-treating began. Funny thing is, the neighbors were ready for us.

This was known as “Beggar’s Night” in Buffalo, and I along with hundreds of other kids on the West Side looked forward to two full nights of trick-or-treating. It was only as an adult that I learned a) most people in the US have never heard of Beggar’s Night because it’s a regional thing, and b) it was established to allow younger children to have their own night of candy collecting before older kids prowled the neighborhoods, looking to get into mischief. Since we did not know this was the rationale, we trick-or-treated both nights and collected enough candy to open our own corner store.

Little kids dressing up for Halloween
We loved to go Trick-or-Treating on Beggar’s Night

Today, of course, Halloween no longer features kids draped in bed sheets with holes cut out for eyes or wearing plastic masks of their favorite monsters. Halloween has become a money maker. According to USA Today, American consumers spent some $9 billion on Halloween in 2018, with over $3 billion of that spent on costumes alone. A good portion of that money comes not from the pockets of parents with children, but from young adults in the 18-24 year-old age demographic. Party stores, bars, supermarkets, pumpkin farms, candy factories, and the gift card industry, all depend on Halloween to fatten their end-of-year coffers.

Halloween costumes
Monsters and superheroes were Halloween favorites

Which makes me wonder, how did we get from the Beggar’s Night and Halloween of my childhood, to the commercialized holiday that it is today? And how far did the Halloween we enjoyed deviate from the original holiday? It just so happens that I am in Ireland this Halloween, learning about the lives of my Irish ancestors. According to the “Irish Culture and Customs” website (see link below), the Irish invented Halloween.

Legend has it that the ancient Celts divided the year into halves, one associated with the dark, the other with the light. The dark half began when the sun set on November first, which they called Samhain.  On Samhain, the Celts would extinguish their fires and wait for the Druids to light the new fire of the year. At the end of the ceremonies, participants would take home a brand from the new fire to light their hearths anew. While many of the old Samhain traditions have died out in Ireland, the lighting of bonfires has survived.

On Hallowe’en, the night before Samhain, Celtic families would feast on the bounty of the Autumn harvest. Children visited relatives and friends and were given apples and nuts. A favorite traditional fall dish, still popular in Ireland, is Colcannon, a mixture of potatoes, cabbage and scallions. Other traditional Hallowe’en dishes are stampy, a sweet cake; boxty, the savory version of stampy; apple cakes and barmbrack, which is a rich fruit bread.

Pinocchio costume
Apples were traditionally a special treat on Halloween

Many traditions were brought by Irish immigrants to the US and adopted across the land. Jack O’Lantern, for example, was an Irish blacksmith, a lost soul doomed by the devil to roam the Earth with a hollowed out turnip lit by a burning coal ember. In the US, we continue this tradition with a hollowed out pumpkin. Druids disguised themselves to elude ghosts roaming the land on Hallowe’en night so they wouldn’t get carried away. Centuries later, the tradition of disguise continues.

Like all pagan rituals in Ireland, Samhain was frowned upon by the Catholic Church, and by the 13th century, although many of the old Samhain rituals remain as folk customs, November 1st had become a Christian holy day.

I look forward to spending the next couple of days with the Irish to see how many of the old traditions remain, as well as observe firsthand if there is any resemblance to the billion dollar holiday, known as Halloween in the US, in Ireland today. I will try to post some pictures, though Wifi connections are spotty here in the land of the ancient Druids. Stay tuned.

Do you celebrate Beggar’s Night? Halloween? All Saints Day? Or do you ignore them all? I would love to hear your comments.

https://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/

Moxie Gardiner is a writer and gardener who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits at the Jungle Operations Training Course in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. She is almost ready to publish her first novel, set in Buffalo.

What the World Needs Now Is…More Holidays!

Growing up in Buffalo, we had a Valentine’s Day tradition that, as far as I can tell, was unique to our family. During the day, we exchanged paper valentines with our classmates, but when it grew dark, our family would wait in breathless anticipation for the annual visit of “The Big Man.”

We would be sitting at the dining room table around 7 pm, pretending to do our homework, when the front door bell would ring. We would run, fling open the door, and find a chocolate heart lying there, with one of our names on it. While we scanned the street for movement, we’d hear a knock at our back door. We’d run and find another heart. This would continue with all eight of us running and screaming back and forth through the house, until each of us had a candy heart.

The Big Man loomed large in our family lore. We were told he had exceptionally long legs and could run like the wind. We pictured him wearing a dark fedora and a long black coat, moving silently in the shadows. Once, we got the bright idea to split up with some of us waiting at each door, but my mother warned us, “I’m told the Big Man is very shy. If you see him once, you’ll never see him again.” None of us was willing to take that chance.

When we grew older and met our sweethearts, we celebrated Valentine’s Day with red wine and roses, but none of us forgot about the Big Man. When we had children we carried on the tradition, and thankfully, our children promise to continue it with theirs. Traditions—especially the funny, idiosyncratic ones like the Big Man—are what bind us as a family, with a shared history and a sense of belonging.

Psychologists say that celebrating holidays and establishing family traditions is one of the most essential things we do as humans. If approached with the right spirit, holidays are opportunities to relax, share a meal, have a few laughs, and tell stories that connect one generation to the next. So if holidays and traditions are so important, why don’t we have more of them?

I decided, as one of my New Year’s resolutions, to celebrate more holidays this year, and invent some new traditions. No, I’m not looking for more opportunities to shop for gifts or take time off from work. What I have in mind is far simpler. In February, for example, I celebrated Candlemas, Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, and President’s Day. To celebrate, I pulled out the nice tablecloth and fancy napkins, used the good china and silverware, added candles and decorations, and designed a meal that reflected the significance of the holiday. Cherry pie for George Washington’s Birthday, for example.

My latest brainstorm is to incorporate a few literary holidays (I am a writer, after all) into my celebratory calendar. We’ll enjoy “Dr. Seuss Day” on March 2nd with my own creative version of “green eggs and ham.” On June 16th, James Joyce’s “Bloomsday,” we’ll rejoice with a trip to an Irish pub. On July 21st, we’ll celebrate Hemingway’s birthday with oysters, Pont-l’Évêque cheese, cold Sancerre, and a shot of rum for good measure. Of course, we will party on Hobbit Day, September 22nd (because hobbits know how to party) and on December 10th I shall bake a coconut cake (her favorite) in honor of Emily Dickenson’s birthday.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what you are celebrating. What matters is that you find things to celebrate, and remember to include others. Teach the young about the old traditions, and involve the old timers in creating new ones. Have fun. Take a break from the news, politics, and whatever other stresses you are dealing with day-to-day and enjoy yourself.

That’s what the world needs now. Fewer confrontations. More celebrations.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

I was visited in a dream last night by the Ghost of Christmas Past. He held my hand as we flew past my old church on the West Side, dropped some coins in the collection box, and paused to listen to the choir singing at midnight mass. On we went. Past AM&A’s department store. A “living” Nativity scene. Houses framed by fat colored lights that gave our old neighborhood a cheery glow. Then I was back under the family Christmas tree, opening a homemade stocking filled with walnuts, Hershey’s kisses, and an orange. Next to the tree was the doll of my dreams, Chatty Cathy, with a smile that showed off her two front teeth. Finally, we stopped at Nonni’s house where meatballs bobbed merrily in a sauce pot the size of a whiskey half barrel, and cuccidati and giuggiulena cookies were heaped on a platter and hidden away until dessert time.

Fortunately, I woke up before the Ghosts of Christmas Present and Christmas Yet to Come could take me on their ride. Both the present and future look pretty scary to me right now. But it got me thinking about Charles Dickens and his famous yuletide morality tale, “A Christmas Carol.” I thought about Ebenezer Scrooge and what he learned when he looked at his past, present and future, and how it horrified him.

The Ghost of Christmas Past showed Scrooge how the events of his life thus far had turned him into who he was—a stingy old curmudgeon loved by no one.  The Ghost of Christmas Present showed him how self-centered he was, blind to what was happening all around him, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come revealed how his life would turn out if he didn’t change his ways.

The most important thing Scrooge learned that night was that the future was mutable. Things could change. Outcomes, while possible, are not predetermined. By looking at his behavior and seeing its logical consequence—an unmourned death and a lonely grave—Scrooge decided to change. As a result, things improved for him and everyone whose lives he touched.

Upon reflection, what I learned during my growing up years and from all my Christmases past, is not only what‘s important on Christmas Day, but what is important in life. Family and friends. Sacrifice and kindness. Finding joy in doing good for others. But sadly, this isn’t what I see when I look around me today. We all see it: bullying, intolerance of the views of others, insensitive comments on social media. Inconsideration. Selfishness.

So I’ve looked at myself, as Scrooge was forced to do, and asked, what kind of person am I? Am I the kind of person I think I am and wish to be? Do I think of others first? Am I kind? Tolerant? Do I listen carefully and try to learn from others when they speak? Or do I mentally shut them off when their views are diametrically opposed to mine? If I can answer yes to any of these questions, I know the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come would tell me it’s time to clean up my act.

Christmas is a time of celebration, of the birth of a child, of love, and of giving to others. It is also a time to take stock and resolve to be better people in the new year. Scrooge was given a chance to turn his life around before it was too late. Let’s hope, collectively, we’re all so lucky.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all,

Moxie