I’ll never forget a parable I heard one snowy Christmas Eve at a hotel restaurant in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, a pretty little mountain village in the southern part of Germany. The holiday dinner was hosted by the hotel’s owner, and before we all dove into our appetizer, she asked everyone in the restaurant for a moment of silence so she could tell us a short story.
You could hear a pin drop as she told us in her beautifully accented English about a professor speaking to a group of students. “Okay,” said the professor, “time for a quiz.” He pulled out a one-gallon mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top with rocks, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel and dumped it in. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.
He then reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started pouring it into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” “No!” the class shouted. Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and said, “What this illustration teaches us is this: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.” (Note: The origin of this parable is not exactly clear but it is most often quoted from Dr. Stephen Covey’s book, First Things First. https://www.appleseeds.org/Big-Rocks_Covey.htm)
Although I first heard this story more than a decade ago, I think about it every time I sit down to write my New Year’s Resolutions. Yes, I am old-school; I do not believe I am perfect “just the way I am.” I still have plenty of room for improvement. So I use my 10 resolutions as a way to remind myself that if I don’t make the “big rocks” a priority, I’ll never get them done, and my year will be filled by necessary but comparatively less-important things, the gravel, sand and water that are part of daily life.
Book Two in the Virgin Snow trilogy is my biggest rock for 2025, of course. I had hoped to have the complete manuscript drafted by the end of this year, but I let too much of the “small stuff” eat up my time, so this year I know I need I need to make it “Priority One.”
However, I find I am already asking myself, is the next book more important than spending time with loved ones? Doing volunteer work so I can “give back” to my community? Exercising daily and eating healthy home-cooked meals? Traveling while I still have my mobility? Reconnecting with friends, taking care of my pets? You get the picture. Not only is it important to focus on the big rocks—you have to figure out which big rocks can fit into your job jar, and then how to give each one the time it deserves.
My way of doing this is to keep an engagement calendar that lets me list the priorities for each day. I print out my 10 New Year’s Resolutions (i.e. the “big rocks”) on the first of January, and check it against my calendar from time to time to make sure each resolution is being addressed in due course. As the year comes to a close, I do my final accounting.
Last year I did pretty well—I completed eight of my 10 top priorities for the year. Not every year boasts a similar record of success, of course, but I make it a practice never to beat myself up about the ones I haven’t fulfilled, especially if I’ve made some progress. I just transfer them to the top of the next year’s list. That’s where Book Two will be sitting.
What are the big rocks in your life? A specific project? Time with family? An important cause? More exercise? Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? I would love to hear your comments in the section below. Happy New Year to all my readers!
Moxie Gardiner is a writer, gardener, and traveler who grew up on the West Side of Buffalo, NY. In a previous life she was a journalist, magazine editor, speech writer, and policy wonk. Back in the day she made three solo parachute jumps, flew in an F-15 fighter jet, and crawled through mud pits in Panama. She now meditates and practices yoga. Virgin Snow is the first novel in what she hopes will be a trilogy. She is currently working on Book Two.
Looking forward to retirement (January 31). I’ve thought about this for the better part of a year. I, too, hope to “give back”; I had a mobility scare that caused me to re-evaluate my physical fitness; I would like to complete Therapy Dog training for my 11 y/o Corgi; I want to reconnect with local Mountie schoolmates from formative years; it’s time to resume quilting; I’m planning a trip to mainland AK. And this year, a first-ever: a full season of Chautauqua programming, bc I won’t be on a work clock.
Probably as many large rocks as the jar will accommodate in 2025. I’m reminded of a retired friend’s email:
Sand and water? Learning to make pizza, bake sourdough bread are fun things that come to mind. Unfortunately, too many doctors’ appointments (human and canine) are definitely in the mix. A few telephone calls sap my soul: erroneous credit card charges; finding affordable health insurance in retirement (don’t get me started on for-profit health care in this country). The doctors’ appointments and phone calls must be carefully meted out, so as not to poison a day.
Still, I am fortunate, beyond measure. I hope to begin each day in gratitude, with a few breathing exercises.
Thank you Mary Ellen, for offering your insights. I know you must be counting down the days until retirement! The one mistake I made in my first year of retirement was to try to do everything all at once. I ended up more exhausted than when I was working full time!
Since then I’ve learned to pace myself and not sweat it if I don’t get every big rock done in a single year. All of us who were super goal-oriented in the work world have a tendency toward taking on too much, and we have to learn to let that go.
It sounds like you are focused on all the right things though, so enjoy the journey! Here’s to the 2025 you’ve been dreaming about!
I have always had a plethora of lists that help me keep track of things that are important to me. You’ve inspired me to create yet another – Big Rocks – list. Thanks for a great article.
Also being a little old school, I have a desk calendar that allows me to see my month at a glance. It is color-coded by fun, volunteer (which is often also fun), life tasks/chores, exercise, and connecting with others appointments. This has been a great tool for judging how balanced my life is – and rebalancing as needed.
Here’s to an amazing 2025, and to working on our big rocks!
Thank you Melissa, for your comments. I love the idea of the color-coded desk calendar and how you can quickly see where things might be out of balance. I will have to try that in the future! Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. Yes, let’s get to work on those big rocks in 2025!